Ricer's Handbook
08-20-2007, 10:03 AM
#1
"MuNcH-E"
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Ricer's Handbook
This is right a chapter right out of the Ricer's handbook.
"How to Be a Street Racer
General Life Guide
'Import Car'
So, you’ve watched ‘The Fast and the Furious’ eight times, and you live by Dominc’s famous words, “I live my life a quarter-mile at a time, in those ten seconds or less I am free,” you are a bonified street racer. If you’re fat please don’t confuse this life motto with, “I live my life a quarter-pounder at a time, no lettuce or tomato and french fries for free,” you’re just a bonified fat ****.
Anyways, before you go blowing your cash on a fixed-up Honda, Nissan, or Acura, take a look in your own garage first. If you own any type of imported vehicle, you can be a street racer! You don’t need a fast car; all you need is some stickers, sweet driving skills and a little imagination.
Driving Techniques
First, let’s discuss how to properly drive your imported vehicle. Even if your import has a stock engine, you can’t let anybody else know this. Although people rarely know the difference, a little mystery will help your image. Driving your vehicle properly is imperative. Think of the street cred points you would lose if you drove just like every other Average Joe? Here are some driving tips that are sure to get you the reputation you deserve:
ALWAYS drive fast, even if the next stoplight is only 500 feet away.
Try to secure the front spot when waiting at a stoplight. Make sure your front end is all up in the pedestrian crosswalk to let everyone know who is boss.
If you cannot secure the front spot, be sure to stop behind a car that has a higher probability of driving fast. For example: If you are faced with the decision of either stopping behind a Dodge Caravan or a Ford Focus, choose the Focus even if you are almost at a stop already. Cutting people off makes them realize how fast and powerful your car is.
When driving in traffic: One word. Weave. Always try to get in front of people who are blocking your way to VTEC happiness. If someone refuses to heed to your Japanese ***** of steel, drive about one foot behind them. This is international car talk for “Please move your vehicle when possible”. If somebody honks at you, it is not because you are driving recklessly; it is simply horns of applause at your aggressive, talented driving.
When you see a Mustang GT or SRT-4 on the freeway, casually pass them and put on your hazards on, signifying your win. Immediately go home and post on your favorite internet car forum that you raped a Mustang on the freeway. Then ********** to the thought of your 4-cylinder naturally aspirated monster destroying an eight cylinder with low HP per liter, realizing that at sexual release, only the feeling of going into VTEC is better than jizzing in your hand. Don’t forget to wipe it up with your sock!
Car Image
The image of your car is important to you as a street racer. Without it, you are nothing. Image is MUCH more important than what is actually under the hood. Here are some simple steps that enhance your bragging Horse Power (numbers you don’t need to worry about, just know it makes your car fast in Honda land):
Step 1 - Lower your car: all street racers have lowered cars, without it, you might as well be driving a Yugo.
+ 5 Horse Power
Step 2 - Body kit - Be sure to have a body kit on your import.If you can’t afford one, make it out of cardboard. If you can, don’t worry about painting it, this is not important to your street racing image.
+ 10 Horse Power
[ Extra Horse Power if your car has a primered body kit with a painted car and you leave it like that for 6 months or more. + 2 extra Horse Power]
Step 3 - Carbon-Fiber anything: Carbon-Fiber makes your car lighter and faster.
+ 5 Horse Power
Step 4 - Spoiler: The bigger, uglier, more obnoxious the better. A well-placed spoiler SCREAMS “Street Racer”.
+ 7 Horse Power
Step 5 - If you are a girl: be sure to show your Honda power with a pink, flowery sticker that says “Powered By [Your name here]” or better yet, “Powered By *****.”
+ 2 Horse Power
[Again, + 2 Horse Power more if the sticker color does not match your car at all]
Step 6 - Muffler tip: Don’t waste your time doing your entire exhaust system. No street racer knows the difference anyways. Just go to your local muffler shop and pick up a 3 inch muffler tip. Sound is perhaps the most important aspect of your import.
+ 10 Horse Power
FYI: Don’t have time/can’t afford a muffler tip? That’s OK! Just get a drill and put a golf-sized hole in your muffler. Works just as well! + 4 Horse Power
Step 7 - Stickers: Stickers on your car enhance and add the much-desired Horse Power. They can be from anywhere, your local muffler shop, body shop, or the sticker from your favorite radio station. + 1 Horse Power for every sticker.
Step 8 - Car Color: If you are Mexican, make sure some kind of neon color makes it onto your import. No need for professional paint, spray paint will do.
+ 10 Horse Power
Step 9 - Your Nationality: Being short and Asain with spiky black hair gives you even more street cred…if you are ready to handle the attention, bleach the tips of your hair and bust out your Linkin Park/Jay-Z “Collision Course” CD + 10 Horse Power
Step 10 - Tagging your Acura as a Honda: There is no greater sign of greatness in the import world. If you live in the U.S., tagging your Acura as a Honda gives you the BIGGEST ***** on the block! You see, in Japan, Acuras are Hondas.
+ a billion Horse Power
Pre-Racing/ Getting someone to race you:
Step 1 - Get in behind them and flash your brights, this is international car talk for “Would you like to eat my dust?”
Step 2 - When coming to a stoplight, intimidate your opponent by revving and rolling down your window to shout mild racing obscenities such as:
# “Your mom goes to college!”
# “Where did you get that spoiler?! The toilet store?!”
# ” I slept with your girlfriend last night!”
# “I put my wiener in your sister’s mouth last night!”
Racing
Honk 3 times, and on the 3rd honk, place the pedal to the metal.
Winning/ Losing
Whether you win or lose, let your opponent know who they’re dealing with:
If you win, get in front of them and flash your hazards. This is international car talk for ” Oh snap, I kicked your ***, you stupid *****.”
If you lose, drive off with your head held high and don’t let them see you cry. Talk **** about them to your friends saying it doesn’t matter and thier car was a piece of **** anyways, and if you had a better launch you would have won.
Final Thoughts on the Street Racing Life
To finalize your life as a street racer, you must dabble in all aspects of street racing life. For example, you could visit the online Honda Forums daily or stop watching **** and look at live streaming videos of real Japanese Nissan Skylines,those down-and-dirty Toyota Supras or God’s own chariot the Integra Type-R. Whatever it is, remember to always live life a quarter mile at a time.
"How to Be a Street Racer
General Life Guide
'Import Car'
So, you’ve watched ‘The Fast and the Furious’ eight times, and you live by Dominc’s famous words, “I live my life a quarter-mile at a time, in those ten seconds or less I am free,” you are a bonified street racer. If you’re fat please don’t confuse this life motto with, “I live my life a quarter-pounder at a time, no lettuce or tomato and french fries for free,” you’re just a bonified fat ****.
Anyways, before you go blowing your cash on a fixed-up Honda, Nissan, or Acura, take a look in your own garage first. If you own any type of imported vehicle, you can be a street racer! You don’t need a fast car; all you need is some stickers, sweet driving skills and a little imagination.
Driving Techniques
First, let’s discuss how to properly drive your imported vehicle. Even if your import has a stock engine, you can’t let anybody else know this. Although people rarely know the difference, a little mystery will help your image. Driving your vehicle properly is imperative. Think of the street cred points you would lose if you drove just like every other Average Joe? Here are some driving tips that are sure to get you the reputation you deserve:
ALWAYS drive fast, even if the next stoplight is only 500 feet away.
Try to secure the front spot when waiting at a stoplight. Make sure your front end is all up in the pedestrian crosswalk to let everyone know who is boss.
If you cannot secure the front spot, be sure to stop behind a car that has a higher probability of driving fast. For example: If you are faced with the decision of either stopping behind a Dodge Caravan or a Ford Focus, choose the Focus even if you are almost at a stop already. Cutting people off makes them realize how fast and powerful your car is.
When driving in traffic: One word. Weave. Always try to get in front of people who are blocking your way to VTEC happiness. If someone refuses to heed to your Japanese ***** of steel, drive about one foot behind them. This is international car talk for “Please move your vehicle when possible”. If somebody honks at you, it is not because you are driving recklessly; it is simply horns of applause at your aggressive, talented driving.
When you see a Mustang GT or SRT-4 on the freeway, casually pass them and put on your hazards on, signifying your win. Immediately go home and post on your favorite internet car forum that you raped a Mustang on the freeway. Then ********** to the thought of your 4-cylinder naturally aspirated monster destroying an eight cylinder with low HP per liter, realizing that at sexual release, only the feeling of going into VTEC is better than jizzing in your hand. Don’t forget to wipe it up with your sock!
Car Image
The image of your car is important to you as a street racer. Without it, you are nothing. Image is MUCH more important than what is actually under the hood. Here are some simple steps that enhance your bragging Horse Power (numbers you don’t need to worry about, just know it makes your car fast in Honda land):
Step 1 - Lower your car: all street racers have lowered cars, without it, you might as well be driving a Yugo.
+ 5 Horse Power
Step 2 - Body kit - Be sure to have a body kit on your import.If you can’t afford one, make it out of cardboard. If you can, don’t worry about painting it, this is not important to your street racing image.
+ 10 Horse Power
[ Extra Horse Power if your car has a primered body kit with a painted car and you leave it like that for 6 months or more. + 2 extra Horse Power]
Step 3 - Carbon-Fiber anything: Carbon-Fiber makes your car lighter and faster.
+ 5 Horse Power
Step 4 - Spoiler: The bigger, uglier, more obnoxious the better. A well-placed spoiler SCREAMS “Street Racer”.
+ 7 Horse Power
Step 5 - If you are a girl: be sure to show your Honda power with a pink, flowery sticker that says “Powered By [Your name here]” or better yet, “Powered By *****.”
+ 2 Horse Power
[Again, + 2 Horse Power more if the sticker color does not match your car at all]
Step 6 - Muffler tip: Don’t waste your time doing your entire exhaust system. No street racer knows the difference anyways. Just go to your local muffler shop and pick up a 3 inch muffler tip. Sound is perhaps the most important aspect of your import.
+ 10 Horse Power
FYI: Don’t have time/can’t afford a muffler tip? That’s OK! Just get a drill and put a golf-sized hole in your muffler. Works just as well! + 4 Horse Power
Step 7 - Stickers: Stickers on your car enhance and add the much-desired Horse Power. They can be from anywhere, your local muffler shop, body shop, or the sticker from your favorite radio station. + 1 Horse Power for every sticker.
Step 8 - Car Color: If you are Mexican, make sure some kind of neon color makes it onto your import. No need for professional paint, spray paint will do.
+ 10 Horse Power
Step 9 - Your Nationality: Being short and Asain with spiky black hair gives you even more street cred…if you are ready to handle the attention, bleach the tips of your hair and bust out your Linkin Park/Jay-Z “Collision Course” CD + 10 Horse Power
Step 10 - Tagging your Acura as a Honda: There is no greater sign of greatness in the import world. If you live in the U.S., tagging your Acura as a Honda gives you the BIGGEST ***** on the block! You see, in Japan, Acuras are Hondas.
+ a billion Horse Power
Pre-Racing/ Getting someone to race you:
Step 1 - Get in behind them and flash your brights, this is international car talk for “Would you like to eat my dust?”
Step 2 - When coming to a stoplight, intimidate your opponent by revving and rolling down your window to shout mild racing obscenities such as:
# “Your mom goes to college!”
# “Where did you get that spoiler?! The toilet store?!”
# ” I slept with your girlfriend last night!”
# “I put my wiener in your sister’s mouth last night!”
Racing
Honk 3 times, and on the 3rd honk, place the pedal to the metal.
Winning/ Losing
Whether you win or lose, let your opponent know who they’re dealing with:
If you win, get in front of them and flash your hazards. This is international car talk for ” Oh snap, I kicked your ***, you stupid *****.”
If you lose, drive off with your head held high and don’t let them see you cry. Talk **** about them to your friends saying it doesn’t matter and thier car was a piece of **** anyways, and if you had a better launch you would have won.
Final Thoughts on the Street Racing Life
To finalize your life as a street racer, you must dabble in all aspects of street racing life. For example, you could visit the online Honda Forums daily or stop watching **** and look at live streaming videos of real Japanese Nissan Skylines,those down-and-dirty Toyota Supras or God’s own chariot the Integra Type-R. Whatever it is, remember to always live life a quarter mile at a time.
08-20-2007, 10:36 AM
#3
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The term Ricer and their jokes are so old. It was funny when it was first used in the mid 90's but its been 10 years since!! Do real ricers even exist anymore? I haven't seen a suped up Civic with stickers, underglow and boeing wing since '99. All the ricers that once were have now grown up. Well, there is the occasional bench park wing to be seen, but long gone are the days with TypeR stickers and Commando wings and the illuminated "H". I guess things just ain't the same no more.
08-20-2007, 10:42 AM
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The term Ricer and their jokes are so old. It was funny when it was first used in the mid 90's but its been 10 years since!! Do real ricers even exist anymore? I haven't seen a suped up Civic with stickers, underglow and boeing wing since '99. All the ricers that once were have now grown up. Well, there is the occasional bench park wing to be seen, but long gone are the days with TypeR stickers and Commando wings and the illuminated "H". I guess things just ain't the same no more.
08-20-2007, 11:32 AM
#6
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this may seem surprising but i rarely see any asian ricers in my area. and living in norcal that's even more weird. almost 100% of the time if i see any mexican that doesnt own a truck, they own a riced out car.
call me racist or whatever but thats the trend i've been seeing for a couple years
call me racist or whatever but thats the trend i've been seeing for a couple years
08-20-2007, 11:44 AM
#7
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What kind of experience did you have?
The only ricers I see are sunfire's with big aluminum wings and stickers or something totally not Japanese, but with 4 doors!
Well written though!
The only ricers I see are sunfire's with big aluminum wings and stickers or something totally not Japanese, but with 4 doors!
Well written though!
08-20-2007, 11:50 AM
#8
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08-20-2007, 12:56 PM
#9
"MuNcH-E"
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Down here in Miami there are still a ton of ricers. The term not being meant about there ethicnsity but the frame of mind towards their vehicles.
08-20-2007, 01:01 PM
#10
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08-20-2007, 01:08 PM
#11
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Goto Wal-mart at midnight.
It's like a club meet for ricer owners every night. The scene isn't gone - it's just gotten more creative.
In the 90's when this **** first started there was nothing to compare it to, so you could go all-out stupid. Underglow, big wings, stickers, etc. 3-4 years later, everyone was driving the same ugly-*** car; suddenly everything that made your car stand out made it common. Everyone had rims, everyone had underglow, everyone had neon paint, etc.
Eventually, even the hardcore ricers didn't like their cars anymore. They sold them for mustangs, put exhaust on them, and actually drove a half-decent, genuinely fast car. The number of ricers dwindled, and as you said, all the jokes and mockeries had been used up.
However, making fun of ricers has become infinately more entertaining as time has passed due to the rediculous lengths that people will go to be "original" with their "street racing import."
Rather than big plastic spoilers, people mount even bigger aluminum spoilers on their trunks...backwards.
Fake roof & hood scoops have become cliche, so now people buy fake fender vents... and mount them on their DOORS.
Thousands of stickers advertising performance companies no longer fool anyone, so now people get one enormous sticker to cover the entire side of the car, or the entire rear windshield, with the car's brand name.
In order to be an "import street racer" today, you need to go well beyond the bounds of logic and reason to be noticed. Some of the **** that these morons come up with are HIGHLY entertaining. So, yes, ricers are still funny.
It's like a club meet for ricer owners every night. The scene isn't gone - it's just gotten more creative.
In the 90's when this **** first started there was nothing to compare it to, so you could go all-out stupid. Underglow, big wings, stickers, etc. 3-4 years later, everyone was driving the same ugly-*** car; suddenly everything that made your car stand out made it common. Everyone had rims, everyone had underglow, everyone had neon paint, etc.
Eventually, even the hardcore ricers didn't like their cars anymore. They sold them for mustangs, put exhaust on them, and actually drove a half-decent, genuinely fast car. The number of ricers dwindled, and as you said, all the jokes and mockeries had been used up.
However, making fun of ricers has become infinately more entertaining as time has passed due to the rediculous lengths that people will go to be "original" with their "street racing import."
Rather than big plastic spoilers, people mount even bigger aluminum spoilers on their trunks...backwards.
Fake roof & hood scoops have become cliche, so now people buy fake fender vents... and mount them on their DOORS.
Thousands of stickers advertising performance companies no longer fool anyone, so now people get one enormous sticker to cover the entire side of the car, or the entire rear windshield, with the car's brand name.
In order to be an "import street racer" today, you need to go well beyond the bounds of logic and reason to be noticed. Some of the **** that these morons come up with are HIGHLY entertaining. So, yes, ricers are still funny.
08-20-2007, 01:33 PM
#12
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The local ricer hangout in Fredericksburg is Taco Bell. It's really funny to go there around 11 PM to get some food with the RX-8. First everyone stares, then stares at me while I walk in, and a few more people sit there staring. When I'm there, let me tell you what the parking lot looks like...
Red Honda Civic Hatch.
White Honda Civic Hatch.
Primer Honda Civic 4Door.
Many more Honda Civic Hatches.
Many more Honda Civic 4 Doors.
There is one Camaro though, that has an LS1 in it, which is pretty cool, but it doesn't look good at all. Terrible orange paint. It just needs to be repainted and then I'd give it a bit of respect.
Oh yeah, I forgot about the 90s Toyota Corolla! Spray painted kit. Oil, Water Temp, Thermometer guages on the A-pillar. Love it.
Red Honda Civic Hatch.
White Honda Civic Hatch.
Primer Honda Civic 4Door.
Many more Honda Civic Hatches.
Many more Honda Civic 4 Doors.
There is one Camaro though, that has an LS1 in it, which is pretty cool, but it doesn't look good at all. Terrible orange paint. It just needs to be repainted and then I'd give it a bit of respect.
Oh yeah, I forgot about the 90s Toyota Corolla! Spray painted kit. Oil, Water Temp, Thermometer guages on the A-pillar. Love it.
08-20-2007, 02:04 PM
#13
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oh they're still strong here in florida. if you're in a subburb area outside of a place like tampa it gets really bad. I'll try to post a picture of one kid here, actually he's in his early 20's so yeah...a confused adult.
1. The f&f movies are what got him into cars in the first place.
2. The car has a crazy body kit that hangs on by zip ties.
3. The whole cars primer.
4. He relocated the battery for no apperant reason and ran all the wires through the interior of the car
5. he has a galant block with a gs-t turbo head and stock gs-t turbo. no tuning, no fuel upgrades, no internals, all stock.
6. He swears he runs low 12's.
7. He's in a car club with more flew idiots such as himself all ranging from his age to around 30. but in all actaulity they're a gang of douches that runs around racing other idiots and causing trouble, giving people with actual nice modified cars a bad name and look.
my point ricers still exsist.
1. The f&f movies are what got him into cars in the first place.
2. The car has a crazy body kit that hangs on by zip ties.
3. The whole cars primer.
4. He relocated the battery for no apperant reason and ran all the wires through the interior of the car
5. he has a galant block with a gs-t turbo head and stock gs-t turbo. no tuning, no fuel upgrades, no internals, all stock.
6. He swears he runs low 12's.
7. He's in a car club with more flew idiots such as himself all ranging from his age to around 30. but in all actaulity they're a gang of douches that runs around racing other idiots and causing trouble, giving people with actual nice modified cars a bad name and look.
my point ricers still exsist.
08-20-2007, 02:25 PM
#14
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I had thought real ricers were dead too. Then I went to visit my dad in oklahoma a few weeks ago. Holy crap did I see some ricers! $5k paint job on a way old civic, 9-foot wings, a car with only half of his front body kit on (musta smashed the other half against a parking curb).
Most of the ricers just moved out to the boonies.
Most of the ricers just moved out to the boonies.
08-20-2007, 04:52 PM
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Why change your Acura badges to Honda badges when you can have a Skyline of your very own? Stick that GT-R badge on there and drive your Skyline with pride, you now own the road.
No one else will ever know it was formerly a mid to late 90's Mazda Protege (true story).
No one else will ever know it was formerly a mid to late 90's Mazda Protege (true story).
08-20-2007, 07:35 PM
#19
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Here in North Carolina they are still around. Especially in Cary and places like Cary where kids are handed too much money by their parents. We went to the movies last weekend and a kid kept driving through and would rev real high several times as he would pass. Sounded horrible. Like he lost all the guts out of a coffee can exhaust. He was just so cool.
At least once a week some idiot acts like I am racing him. I thought about going on the Honda forums to see if i can find a post that reads, "killed an old fart driving an RX8."
At least once a week some idiot acts like I am racing him. I thought about going on the Honda forums to see if i can find a post that reads, "killed an old fart driving an RX8."
08-20-2007, 07:40 PM
#20
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Oh ricers are still going strong down here in Jersey City... Walk/drive around past 10PM and you will hear em buzzing about.. I've seen at least one "meet" in a chinese grocery store parking lot, couldn't stop to look but got a decent enough laugh... Primered body kits, neon paint, neon underlights, on-hood LEDs, stickers... There is one Civic in particular that drives around with something that looks like a bunch of head-gaskets bolted to the rear bumper. I guess it's meant to be an exhaust system? :-D
In my life I have personally seen only one Civic which had been modified in a way that made me want to respect the owner... Nice turbo, full on suspension... Don't know what he had just looked real nice as he disappeared around the corner :-D Oh, and a clean paint job!!! In white!!
In my life I have personally seen only one Civic which had been modified in a way that made me want to respect the owner... Nice turbo, full on suspension... Don't know what he had just looked real nice as he disappeared around the corner :-D Oh, and a clean paint job!!! In white!!
08-20-2007, 07:57 PM
#22
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I had thought real ricers were dead too. Then I went to visit my dad in oklahoma a few weeks ago. Holy crap did I see some ricers! $5k paint job on a way old civic, 9-foot wings, a car with only half of his front body kit on (musta smashed the other half against a parking curb).
Most of the ricers just moved out to the boonies.
Most of the ricers just moved out to the boonies.
08-20-2007, 11:51 PM
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see it's not dead it's still running strong. it's unfortunate because of "rice" most ppl don't look at any imports with respect. it's a stigma that wont die any time soon.