Taillights and Sidemarkers won't turn on
 

Ok, so more than likley I'm taking it to the dealer tomorrow. I'm way tired after looking everything over. My tail lights and sidemarkers won't turn on, there's no beep noise when you leave the lights on, and the high beams are on permanently... any ideas? All fuses have been checked... blah! help, lol. I'm tired and about to head off to bed.

Check the TNS relay.
Its the far left relay in the engine compartment's fuse box.
On the fuse panel cover, it'll show the locations of all the fuses and relays. The TNS relay is labeled TAIL.
Try swapping relays and see if the problem is corrected (if it works, you'll still need to get a new relay because whatever you swapped with may not work).

What does the TNS relay control?

I think historically, turn signal relay. You could also swap it with the (horn?) relay for testing. Maybe.

I'll try that... but if it's the turn signal relay, why would my turn signals work or does it control more than just the turn signals?

I'm at work so I cant go look at my 8, but years ago I did that with an old nissan truck.

Tail lights, side marker light, parking light, and license plate light.

Its not a "turn" relay.
Your turn signal doesn't pass through a relay. It goes from the switch (the handle you move up or down) to a flasher control module.


This is a process of elimination because you mentioned multiple issues controlled by multiple devices.
This seemed the most obvious place to start! Good luck!