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Due to an unpredictable shift in the northern jetstream, Hurricane Ernesto has veered to the east, away from New Orleans. This has many residents up and arms as the sad news spread across the city and surrounding counties.
"It ain't right," moaned one resident. We're nearly running out of the stuff we stole last year. I'm down to like five CD players and two color TVs! I'm not sure what we're going to do."
An emergency city council meeting was called early this morning as Mayor Ray Nagin demanded to know why the rich districts to the east deserved the prime evacuation opportunities, when his city and surrounding areas were rationing what little booty was still left over from last year. "Many of the officers on our police force are down to their last sets of Gap designer jeans and may even be forced to sell off a few microwaves or flat screen TVs to keep them in current fashions. It's a sordid state of affairs."
When asked if there would be enough buses available to evacuated those in a hurricane's path to a safer area, Mayor Nagin responded, "Are you kidding? We have hundreds of buses ready to evacuate, but who the **** in their right mind is going to leave here when you have shopping opportunities of a lifetime going down? Besides, many of the buses slated to be used for evacuating have already been stripped down, to accomodate more electronics, appliances and high fashion apparrel when the Blue Light Specials commence to announcing the best bargains on the streets! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go...it's harder to push a shopping cart once the waters begin to rise."
With that, the Mayor hopped into one of the seven Cadillac, Escalades standing by to escort him and his entourage to scout out potential sites for emergency command centers."
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