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I found this in a newsgroup.. thought it was funny.
I've been reading the posts in this newsgroup for the past few weeks.
Based on what I have been reading both here and in other places (books,
websites, television, and the news), these seem to be the rules for
dating for men, what men are expected to do on each and every date:
1. In all dating situations, the man is fully responsible for
everything that happens, regardless of the circumstances. This includes
any repercussions from the date. This responsibility lasts until his
2. Do not ask a woman for a date if you work in the same company or
business. Also, do not ask a woman for a date if you have regular
business dealings with her or if you live near her.
3. If you decide to ask a woman for a date, ask exactly one time. If
she says "no" or any answer other than a clear "yes", never ask again.
Also, if she did not give a clear "yes" avoid all future interactions
with her if possible. If you cannot avoid an interaction with her
(example: you work in a department store and she approaches you to
make a purchase), act in a completely professional and business-like
manner at all times.
4. Pay attention to everything you do and say at all times. Think
before you speak or act and avoid careless conversation or actions.
Don't do or say anything that is misleading. Be prepared to make good
on anything you say, regardless of what you said.
5. If she says 'no" it always means "no." No matter what her body
language says or anything that she does, a verbal "no" always supersedes
it, it is the true final word. If she says a verbal "maybe" or "I'm not
sure" always assume it means "no" and act the same as if she had said
"no." Never assume anything, only a "yes" is a "yes". Also, once the
"no" is said, it cannot be unsaid or retracted, again it is the final
6. At the end of the date, if you say that you will call her, do so
when you said you would. As with #4 above, do not mislead.
7. If she asks you for a date and you accept (only accept the date if
it does not violate any of rule #2), the above rules still apply on this
and any future dates.
8. Follow the above rules for each and every date, regardless of how
long you have been dating.
9. If you cannot follow the above rules then you should not date.
As I said, the above seems to summarize the rules of dating for men
based on all I have read, watched, and seen. I wanted to bounce them
off of the newsgroup for options.
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Sounds more like planning for a military exercise. Whatever happened to flirting, romance and being a little coy? Also my experience is that when men and women start a relationship by being that straight they more likely end up being friends at best, and pretty boring ones at that.
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later: her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.