The Bullshit Thread
03-08-2007, 03:01 PM
#1
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The Bullshit Thread
I'm as happy to tell lies at the pub as the next bloke but of late the level in here is getting a little high, so I figured we needed an outlet for the compulsive big noters.
I'll start.
Last week, I pulled a sub-5 second 0-100km/h time in my NA mainly stock car. This was the same day that I dusted a 911 Turbo at the lights. Poor bloke - just couldn't keep up.
Anyway, this was on my way to the track. Was a good day too, except for being held up by a bunch of GT3's and F430's. Geez, these guys with money just don't seem to be able to drive as fast as me. Luckily, I still managed to shave another 5 seconds off my previous best laptime. If it wasn't for the fact they did some F1 testing there, I'd hold the lap record for that circuit.
Funnily enough, I got 850kms off that same tank of fuel.
And pulled three supermodels on my way home. Good thing we've got three spare seats in the car, huh?
The guys who run AutoSalon have been begging me to enter my car again but I'm holding out for better appearance money. Why should I let my car be ogled by the great unwashed?
BTW, I won Lotto last week, so it's off to the Veyron forums for me. Bye.
I'll start.
Last week, I pulled a sub-5 second 0-100km/h time in my NA mainly stock car. This was the same day that I dusted a 911 Turbo at the lights. Poor bloke - just couldn't keep up.
Anyway, this was on my way to the track. Was a good day too, except for being held up by a bunch of GT3's and F430's. Geez, these guys with money just don't seem to be able to drive as fast as me. Luckily, I still managed to shave another 5 seconds off my previous best laptime. If it wasn't for the fact they did some F1 testing there, I'd hold the lap record for that circuit.
Funnily enough, I got 850kms off that same tank of fuel.
And pulled three supermodels on my way home. Good thing we've got three spare seats in the car, huh?
The guys who run AutoSalon have been begging me to enter my car again but I'm holding out for better appearance money. Why should I let my car be ogled by the great unwashed?
BTW, I won Lotto last week, so it's off to the Veyron forums for me. Bye.
03-08-2007, 03:29 PM
#2
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I can beat that mate. Decided to give Tubby one last run yesterday, racing Taka around Sandown for pink slips. The poor bloke and his black 8 was thrashed. 
Now to just wait for those keys!
Now to just wait for those keys!
03-08-2007, 04:06 PM
#6
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Dave,
last nite, i was driving along chapel street maittttttttte, and had me 6 12 inch subwoofers doof doofing so loud that i bet peoples in Perth could hear it mate!! So there i was doof doofing to a rap song that died out in the late 1980's, and all these fully sick V8 coming up next to me sayin they wanna run. maaaaaaaaaaate, they joking? come on, rx8 straight line can thrash a s/c V8 doing 400kw@rw who they trying to fu*kn run mate?
so had my 6, 12 inch subbies blaring in the back seats, dont think its loud enough mate!! gonna go and see my CONNECTIONS mate, and get me 6 more subbies and add a couple more amps mate!! Yea i got lots of connections, every second bloke in the industry knows me mate. This bloke thats mates with another mate, whoz mates of some mate, thats is mates wit his cousins brothers mate, - totally connected ule!!!!!!! i got ur back bro - peace!
(disclaimer - above is total bullshit - i actually have 20 subwoofers in my car and craig lowdes is my boyfriend)
last nite, i was driving along chapel street maittttttttte, and had me 6 12 inch subwoofers doof doofing so loud that i bet peoples in Perth could hear it mate!! So there i was doof doofing to a rap song that died out in the late 1980's, and all these fully sick V8 coming up next to me sayin they wanna run. maaaaaaaaaaate, they joking? come on, rx8 straight line can thrash a s/c V8 doing 400kw@rw who they trying to fu*kn run mate?
so had my 6, 12 inch subbies blaring in the back seats, dont think its loud enough mate!! gonna go and see my CONNECTIONS mate, and get me 6 more subbies and add a couple more amps mate!! Yea i got lots of connections, every second bloke in the industry knows me mate. This bloke thats mates with another mate, whoz mates of some mate, thats is mates wit his cousins brothers mate, - totally connected ule!!!!!!! i got ur back bro - peace!
(disclaimer - above is total bullshit - i actually have 20 subwoofers in my car and craig lowdes is my boyfriend)
03-08-2007, 04:08 PM
#7
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Originally Posted by ILIV48
I can beat that mate. Decided to give Tubby one last run yesterday, racing Taka around Sandown for pink slips. The poor bloke and his black 8 was thrashed. Now to just wait for those keys!
Now to just wait for those keys!OH BTW, Revolver is very handsome and can see many girls going after him.
03-08-2007, 05:14 PM
#12
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Some great responses guys/gal(s) - hey, who really knows?
Excuse me, I'm just off to adjust the extra large gusset in my trousers...
03-08-2007, 08:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Revolver
I'm as happy to tell lies at the pub as the next bloke but of late the level in here is getting a little high, so I figured we needed an outlet for the compulsive big noters.
I'll start.
Last week, I pulled a sub-5 second 0-100km/h time in my NA mainly stock car. This was the same day that I dusted a 911 Turbo at the lights. Poor bloke - just couldn't keep up.
Anyway, this was on my way to the track. Was a good day too, except for being held up by a bunch of GT3's and F430's. Geez, these guys with money just don't seem to be able to drive as fast as me. Luckily, I still managed to shave another 5 seconds off my previous best laptime. If it wasn't for the fact they did some F1 testing there, I'd hold the lap record for that circuit.
Funnily enough, I got 850kms off that same tank of fuel.
And pulled three supermodels on my way home. Good thing we've got three spare seats in the car, huh?
The guys who run AutoSalon have been begging me to enter my car again but I'm holding out for better appearance money. Why should I let my car be ogled by the great unwashed?
BTW, I won Lotto last week, so it's off to the Veyron forums for me. Bye.
I'll start.
Last week, I pulled a sub-5 second 0-100km/h time in my NA mainly stock car. This was the same day that I dusted a 911 Turbo at the lights. Poor bloke - just couldn't keep up.
Anyway, this was on my way to the track. Was a good day too, except for being held up by a bunch of GT3's and F430's. Geez, these guys with money just don't seem to be able to drive as fast as me. Luckily, I still managed to shave another 5 seconds off my previous best laptime. If it wasn't for the fact they did some F1 testing there, I'd hold the lap record for that circuit.
Funnily enough, I got 850kms off that same tank of fuel.
And pulled three supermodels on my way home. Good thing we've got three spare seats in the car, huh?
The guys who run AutoSalon have been begging me to enter my car again but I'm holding out for better appearance money. Why should I let my car be ogled by the great unwashed?
BTW, I won Lotto last week, so it's off to the Veyron forums for me. Bye.
I was actually believing everything you were saying..........until i got to the supermodel bit.
You bullshit artist.
03-08-2007, 09:30 PM
#21
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Originally Posted by MissyK
everyones off topic
why is bullshit called bullshit? why not pigshit? why not dogshit? why not birdshit?
why is bullshit called bullshit? why not pigshit? why not dogshit? why not birdshit?
03-08-2007, 10:21 PM
#24
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Bullshit Occupations
With improvements in communications, BS production has become a profession in and of itself. Types of modern professional bullshit artists include:
1.) Politicians, people who use bullshit to buy political power. Their bullshit production may be outsourced to spin doctors or lobbyists.
2.) Telemarketers, who use the phone to sell a combination of products, company-produced bullshit, and their own improvised bullshit.
3.) Military recruiters, who are paid to deliver government-produced bullshit to prospective recruits.
4.) Public relations firms, companies to which other corporations can outsource vital bullshit production.
5.) Exotic dancers - prostitutes who usually substitute bullshit for sex, aided by working in a bullshit factory called a strip club. The willingness on the part of johns to pay for this BS is aided by serving alcohol.
6.) Professional poker players - people who use carefully tuned bullshit to win card games, and show spectators how it's done.
7.) Lawyers - similar to politicians or PR executives, these creatures take existing bullshit such as the law or a 'not guilty' plea and mix it with their own bullshit. They are paid bullshit-production fees by clients or the state, or can use BS to convince a court to pay civil damages to their client (who is then bullshitted out of the proceeds). Because bullshit is used within all fields of law by both defense attorneys and prosecutors, jurors know that both sides are using bullshit and simply choose the BS that sounds better. This freedom of expression has made true content-free bullshit an art form at which anyone can be a Rembrandt
With improvements in communications, BS production has become a profession in and of itself. Types of modern professional bullshit artists include:
1.) Politicians, people who use bullshit to buy political power. Their bullshit production may be outsourced to spin doctors or lobbyists.
2.) Telemarketers, who use the phone to sell a combination of products, company-produced bullshit, and their own improvised bullshit.
3.) Military recruiters, who are paid to deliver government-produced bullshit to prospective recruits.
4.) Public relations firms, companies to which other corporations can outsource vital bullshit production.
5.) Exotic dancers - prostitutes who usually substitute bullshit for sex, aided by working in a bullshit factory called a strip club. The willingness on the part of johns to pay for this BS is aided by serving alcohol.
6.) Professional poker players - people who use carefully tuned bullshit to win card games, and show spectators how it's done.
7.) Lawyers - similar to politicians or PR executives, these creatures take existing bullshit such as the law or a 'not guilty' plea and mix it with their own bullshit. They are paid bullshit-production fees by clients or the state, or can use BS to convince a court to pay civil damages to their client (who is then bullshitted out of the proceeds). Because bullshit is used within all fields of law by both defense attorneys and prosecutors, jurors know that both sides are using bullshit and simply choose the BS that sounds better. This freedom of expression has made true content-free bullshit an art form at which anyone can be a Rembrandt
03-08-2007, 11:57 PM
#25
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There's little doubt that I've been briefed in matters that have had a distinct aroma about them.
But let's not be so exclusive here Kall.
If my forensic accountant's opinion is to be believed (and I do), the accounting practices she has reported on fall fairly and squarely within the bullshit arena. Trust me, your toes would curl.
I'm predicting settlement shortly after we serve our evidence.
Alternatively, I'm pretty sure a certain CPA is going to have to hand his ticket in.
But let's not be so exclusive here Kall.
If my forensic accountant's opinion is to be believed (and I do), the accounting practices she has reported on fall fairly and squarely within the bullshit arena. Trust me, your toes would curl.I'm predicting settlement shortly after we serve our evidence.
Alternatively, I'm pretty sure a certain CPA is going to have to hand his ticket in.