labrat

For those of you who have suspected from my writings on this forum that I am either (a) seriously disturbed or just (b) severely maladjusted it will come as no surprise that I am attracted to somewhat different forms of humour. It may have something to do with growing up in the '50's listening to the Goon Show, but reading all the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy books probably didn't help much either.

Some years ago I stumbled on a website dedicated to the art of bad writing, and I'm pleased to say it finally pushed me over the edge. Some of you might find pleasure in reading some of the offerings: Bulwer-Lytton Writing Contest

Anyway, here's this year's winner, which will please SCO because it is at least automotive:

"As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual."

So I have thought that I might institute an RX-8 writing contest in the style of Bulwer-Lytton. Here's my entry:

"As Errol gazed at his RX-8 with its Hymee catback, Hymee grill, Twin Screw Supercharger, carbon-fibre bonnet with super air scoop, full Mazda Speed body kit, 20" glitter chrome wheels, candy-orange paint job and metre-high wing, he realized he'd created a car like no other, except maybe for the taxidermist guy down the street who'd decorated his 1978 purple Gemini with examples of his craft"

Revolver

"As Steve moved in to straddle the gaping aperture before him he felt inadequate but continued to stroke the double bubble on top and soon felt that distinct slippery texture of leather against his buttocks as the doors leant in to caress him. Meanwhile, his girlfriend Marcia looked on, powerless to prevent this illicit love affair."

With thanks to the RX8 garage ad and my technical advisor Gomez. :D

labrat

Great stuff, Revolver, I've got you ahead so far.

Hymee

iTrader: (1)

Nope,

Revolver used two sentences. According to the rules, the entry can only be one sentence.

Holly ****, what have I done? Now I am a freaking Bulwer-Lytton **** as well? FFS, Hymee!

In all honesty, I thought that somehow this thread might be in someway related to a drive in our beloved RX-8's (no matter what colour or level of mods) as Bulwer and Lytton are localities in this beautiful part of the world known as South-East Queensland, or Moreton Bay to those who go out of their way to be more precise, as somehow we have lately been a little hung up lately on differences in opinion in what constitutes a valid post or new thread.

:p

Cheers,
Hymee.

sco

Bugger... back to the drawing board for me.

Gomez

And while we're on the topic of Nazism, I'd like to point out that it was Steve (not Brad) who hugged his Mazda....

Being an old Charger owner, I find my dreams filled with triple Webers (not dual Strombergs). labrat, what does that say about me in the Freudian sense? :p

BVD

Nice thread. :D

By one of life's little coincidences I was just typing out an idea for a contest here for us all to compose songs, poems, limericks or whatever about either the car or the people here.

But I'll definitely enter this first.

OK, here goes. The RX8 testing/tasting notes from a review by a wine-loving bureaucrat:

"This pulsating panther propels the paradigms of passion and pleasure beyond the pernicious picket-lines of mere purple prose; as I savoured the susurrating hiss of the great tyres on the willing wetness of the waiting boulevard that lay helpless before my triumphant onslaught, I drank deeply of the bouquet of burnt brake block, rambunctiously roasted radiator and luminously lush leather; and on the back palate - oh protean bliss - I could just detect the merest whiff of complete and utter ******..... "

labrat

Gomez, I don't know. I confine myself to analyzing chemical solutions. People are way too difficult for me. Funny name, Freud. In German it means "joy". He never struck me as being particularly happy.

Come to think of it, maybe my aversion to drilling holes in my car is associated with my dislike of body piercing. So perhaps I have an anthropomorphic relationship with my RX-8. Now I am worried.

Revolver

Oh come on Hymee. Haven't you heard of poetic licence? :D

And just because you don't use punctuation doesn't mean it's only one sentence you know! :D Your effort is about 4!!!!! :p

Revolver

No problem. Just means you prefer something or someone a little more...how shall I put this...unusual. :D

rx88er

"As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual."

So I have thought that I might institute an RX-8 writing contest in the style of Bulwer-Lytton. Here's my entry:

"As Errol gazed at his RX-8 with its Hymee catback, Hymee grill, Twin Screw Supercharger, carbon-fibre bonnet with super air scoop, full Mazda Speed body kit, 20" glitter chrome wheels, candy-orange paint job and metre-high wing, he realized he'd created a car like no other, except maybe for the taxidermist guy down the street who'd decorated his 1978 purple Gemini with examples of his craft"[/QUOTE]





Nice Work Labrat.....
Here's my entry,

She was laying down, legs slightly parted, revealing her map of Melbourne when Barry noticed the similarities between Hymee's 4" Stainless tip with it's aluminised steel catback exhaust system and the RX8 Nationals in October. He then straddled his companion and began to give it to her with such fervour that his mind slipped into 6th gear and he pictured himself taking the final turn at Wakefield Park and how exhilarating it made him feel knowing the Hymee Supercharger had more in her and he'd push it to its limits.
He made certain earlier that night that he had protection and installed a Hymee Grill Kit just to be on the safe side.
With Barry now on the home straight, he awoke from his daydream and realized he was in the woolshed at Wakefield making love to a sheep.

azzaboynt

Ok I'll bite, and it's been a slow day.....

Opening the front blouse of my beauty, I peer with great pride as she is intimately displayed before me before I gently reach in to remove her dipstick, like the manliest of men I have problem finding the elusive object as it's secrets is buried as it's been designed to be totally hidden and in the most un-obvious of places, still I managed to fumble around before withdrawing, giving it a wipe then carefully replacing it muttering to myself "needs more lubricant"

Cheers,
Azza

Revolver

BVD wins the "I swallowed a thesaurus" award and is runner-up in the "I used to write the Penthouse forum letters page" award but frankly it could be about any car - labrat wanted RX8 specific entries remember? :p :D

And don't you mean "susurrating" (although how anyone could compare the standard Bridgys to a soft murmur or a whisper is beyond me!! ).

<Having poked the old man from the west with a sharp stick, Revolver ducks back behind his wall>

Revolver

Do what I do - go in with a torch while others give advice from the sidelines. :D

Seriously Azza - that's a beauty.

BVD

Joy eh? Always thought the fellow was probably a cross-dresser.. :p

Maybe his full name was actually Schadenfreude? (pleasure in the misfortune of others).

Gomez

You won't like what this dill is doing to his RX-8 in Japan then. Cutting out a section of firewall at the base of the windscreen to let hot underbonnet air out.

As Al used to say on Happy Days: Yep........., yep, yep, yep, yep, yep..... :D

Revolver

Damn, Hymee's even sponsoring soft **** now (with sheep). :p :D :D

Revolver

Yes, but when he realised that the misfortune of others constitutes 99% of comedy he decided the "Schaden" bit was redundant. :D

Remember that old line of (can't remember who):

"Comedy is when someone falls into a ditch and dies. Tragedy is when I cut my finger."

Gomez

I had a mate who whipped out his Mini Maglite and did that at a pole dancing club once......'twas frowned upon by the management of said venue (so I'm told.....).

Revolver

Oh, this thread is endless fun.

Better go and find out what Timbo is PMing me about before I get in more trouble. :D :D

timbo

I'm doing end of month reports....but:

It was that wonderful, delicious sliding sensation he loved most, applying just the right pressure and rhythm, alternately making her grip and release, while all the time she held him tightly, warmly – sweet sounds from her, and her cool breath caressing his face while his hands gently stroked her smooth, rich leather wheel; so focused was he on the sensuous slide, he was startled by the dribble of saliva that dripped from his mouth as he exited the wet roundabout.

Revolver

ROFL. :D :D :D

I'm trying to go, really. But the hits just keep on coming.

Gomez, is "Mini Maglite" a euphemism for something in Melbourne?

BVD

Ha - sprung! :D I was so pleased at knowing what it means, I forget to check the spelling. The 'e' for 'u' was a typo (or 'braino') but the s and r count was just plain slackness! A teacher friend stopped me in the street the other day and said he'd come across the word, and I was "dead chuffed" that I knew it.
So I couldn't resist working it in (..sounds like one of L&L's excuses...)

I wonder why the entries nearly all seem to have gone for soft **** element rather than just emulating B-L's overblown windbaggery? That was a humdinger from Azza. And an absolute cracker from Timbo! What do you guys read at night! :D

Gomez

No..it's a smaller version of the red torch in this pic......

timbo

C'mon Revlover, it's one of those litte flashlights people put on their keyrings...I'm seriously worried about the sheltered life you've been living...or, on the other hand, perverted connotations you imply for everything you read! :D