Ok, I'll try not to make this long-winded...

Went to Vegas for the weekend.

Went to strip club while wife was shopping.

Charged it to the wrong credit card (the one that both my wife and I share). She will see the statement. :confused:

So basically, I need to hide/remove this charge from my credit card statement. What can I do?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks! :D

shouldn't have been married and screwing off...that's karma dude..

grab the statement and burn it

Just pray that she doesn't see the statement. Or atleast contact you CC company and find out what company name shows up for that charge. Maybe it might not suspicious and you could come up with a good story. Either ways, its a lesson hopefully you learned.

How about just tell her what you did. Hiding things from each other ends up causing stress in the relationship.

lots of vegas clubs use a different name for their credit card billing to save face for the customers. if i were you, i'd pray very very hard that you went to one of those fine establishments.

your gonna have to kill her! jk!!!! :) intercept the bill, age it some, and then make a fold or crease along that entry, so it is unreadable-then delay it for a few days, and then bring it out and say no wonder it was late! must have been floating around the us mail twilight zone for awhile!!! :) Luckily I have only had to do this to hide star wars purchases- good luck!!!

well since you're intent on keeping this from her, i'd seriously monitor the mail until this statement comes in. if she's not big on watching bills and stuff you might be ok, otherwise there's always the online statements (if she does that, you just may be screwed).

The name does come up suspicious. In fact, it's so obvious that one would think it's a some sort of bar/night club just by the name.

Burning the statement....not an option. While she waits for the paper statement, she will on occasion check the transactions online.

Here is what I was thinking...first tell her that I see charges on my card that look like they didn't come from me. I'll tell her that I'm going to report the fraudulent charge to the cc company. What I'm going to do is a balance transfer to my other card to offset the amount. If she asks why it shows up as a payment (which a balance transfer will do) instead of a credit, I will "play dumb" and say "well I guess that's just how they recorded it. Important thing is that the charge is gone".

I agree with the telling of the truth. who knows maybe she will just be mad that you didnt take her

Man, you are going to just dig yourself even deeper if you try some sort of elaborate plan. I say just try explaining it to her. She might be mad, but nearly as mad as she'll be when she figures out how much trouble you went through trying to hide it from her. And she will figure it out.

I hope you learned your lesson that when doing questionable activities, always pay cash. ;)

Honesty however is usually the best policy, just tell her and take your lumps, then move on. The pain will be less then if you hide it and she finds it, and she will find it, you seem so nervous about it you're gonna set off her BS detector if you haven't already.

DON'T LIE TO YOUR WIFE.

Of course, if you've been making a habit of being untruthful with your spouse for some time now, your marriage's days are numbered. Better cancel all those joint credit card accounts now, before the inevitable divorce.

The RIGHT thing to do is fess up. Tell your wife what you did and where you went, and take the consequences like a man.

I hope the lap dance was worth it....

My wife says it is OK, just as long as I bring it home. She feels she is the beneficiary of such activity.

My one of many strip bar stories:

My wife and I aloped and then had the formal ceremony about 9 months later(long story there). My boss and another co-worker took me out for my bachelor party before the formal wedding. My wife asked me to take her '78 Impala (what a lovely car:o ). Needless to say, I got hammered. I needed a ride back from the strip club, so my boss took me in his truck. I barely could climb into the thing. I got home and I was stammering away drunk in front of my wife. Rambling on about the evening. She is trying to calm me down because it is in the middle of the night and her grandmother was staying with us for the night(nice impression ha). The next day, I was completely hung over and had to go to my wife and say we need to go and pick up her car - at the strip club.

dag

I guess it might depend on how much you spent.
Let's see...

If it's from a no-name establishment you could say you grabbed something to eat at Joe's diner who wouldn't take a credit card and you found that out after you ate, so they reluctantly charged your card at the business next door.

If it's a no-name establishment, you should run your a$$ to the mall and pick her up something, tell her you got it for her in Vegas (at said "no-name" establishment) and forgot to give it to her.

If you spent more than the cost of an average lunch in Vegas (I just got back from there) I'd say $25, the above "excuse" may not work.

If it's from "SheMales-2-Go", "Me Love U Long Time", "Vegas Vixens", etc... and you spent a couple hundred bucks you might as well pack your bags and start handing over 75% of your annual income.

You can check the statement online and see what it is listed as before the bill comes.

You might want to come clean and see how she takes it. You never know, she might be pissed that you didn't invite her along.

If he had to go for a credit card, I'm betting he did more than a few $1 tips for the stage girls.

BTW - be up front. I hate to ask how big the bill was.
Another rule of thumb with my wife is, if I spend a lot of money at a strip bar, I better be ready to spend equivalently on her.

dag

When she asks -- just wink at her at say "What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas" I hope she spent more on her shopping spree than you did on yours :p

Usually that kinda stuff will just show up as the name entertainment on a credit card statement. It will never say the name of a strip club, so you should be in the clear.

Just tell your wife the truth. If she gets mad because you went to a strip joint, then you need to work that out with her. If you lie to her about it and then she finds out, it's going to be much, much worse.

I don't get this whole "Oooh I can't tell my wife I went to a strip club!". Maybe I'm just lucky or something, because my wife would have no problem with me going to a strip club. We've gone to a strip club together. She knows that it's always "look, but no touch", and when I get home she makes out like a bandit. ;)

Good luck to ya, buddy. Better hope she doesn't read this message board.

Originally posted by MadRonin


I don't get this whole "Oooh I can't tell my wife I went to a strip club!". Maybe I'm just lucky or something, because my wife would have no problem with me going to a strip club. We've gone to a strip club together. She knows that it's always "look, but no touch", and when I get home she makes out like a bandit. ;)

Good luck to ya, buddy. Better hope she doesn't read this message board.


I don't get it either- I really don't care if my husband goes to one, as long as he tells me he's going- the problem would be if he lied to me about it. I think you better fess up, or you are in the deepest doo-doo possible when she find out (and she WILL find out- people have nasty habits of doing stuff like that) if you don't tell her. If I found some weird charge on my bill that I didn't put there, you bet I'm going to keep digging until I figure out what it is.

1) NEVER use a credit card at etablishments like that.... yeah most of them are descreet but if your doing something that you really "shouldn't " be doing, the last thing you want to do is leave "foot prints". CCs leave "foot prints" because they can be tracked.

1) Don't try the interception move... it can come back to bite you.

2) Most organizations that sell sex in one way or another are very descreet in billing. You will still have some explaining to do as a charge will show up and your wife may ask what it is. If i were you I'd look at the statement first in private and see if you can make up an excuse based on whats showing oon the bill

I agree with Elara, if she doesn't find out now, or next month, or next year, she WILL find out. Last weekend, my wife found out about something I did 10 years ago in high-school. 10 Bloody years ago!!! And I'm still getting my a$$ kicked for that. I'm sure I'll be forever on her hit-list because of something I did, 10 years ago, before being married, when I was a punk teenager.

Depending on the statement date & credit card company you can have them stop sending you paper statements and send it by email. You will most likely have to set up some kind of e-payment with them but you might be able to catch the next statement. When she asks about the bill say you did this thing but forgot to tell her. That could by you some time provided you have your own email account and she doesn’t check statements online. Or if the club goes under some kind of non descript name “Acme Entertainment” Buy something that looks like it cost the same amount of the charge and tell your wife “ Hey I bought this new gadget, it will show up on the cc bill as Acme Entertainment”

Originally posted by mindsink
Burning the statement....not an option. While she waits for the paper statement, she will on occasion check the transactions online.

In that case, you have to tell the truth. Just tell her straight up and deal with the consequences like a man. Sure you'll be in the doghouse for a bit, but hey it's better that she hear if from you than someone else.

i'm not married but i've always believed in honesty, especially to your gf/wife/relatives...also, i can't see what the problem is with going to a strip club anyway, i'm surprised you haven't taken her to one!

Man up! Grow some hairy tatersacks !! Tell her what you did and that if she doesn't like it she can take back all the crap she bought at the mall and get the hell out!

Really, just tell her what you did, what's the big deal?

*edit*
*It's nice to see other people agree with me.. I had only read the original post when I wrote my reply*

Originally posted by mindsink
Ok, I'll try not to make this long-winded...

Went to Vegas for the weekend.

Went to strip club while wife was shopping.

Charged it to the wrong credit card (the one that both my wife and I share). She will see the statement. :confused:

So basically, I need to hide/remove this charge from my credit card statement. What can I do?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks! :D

quit being such a baby and fess up. the sooner the better.

you know what might piss her off even more?? if she figures out that you wouldn't have told her if you didn't use her credit card. now THAT would be really bad. i think that if you don't have the concience of mind to not go to a strip bar if you know your wife'll get pissed, then... well, that's your business i suppose.

quit being a douche, fess up.

Yeah dude tell her. You should've invited her along in the first place. If I was her I would be pissed that you didn't invite me. Lying is only going to lead to more problems in your future. Get it over with and suck up the punishment. This is only going to get worse and sooner or later she is going to find all your porn anyway may as well get it out in the open.

Don't lie to your wife, just intercept the bill when it comes in.

I went to a strip club here one night with freinds after work. Jenna Jameson was there. we ended up staying all night and watching all 3 performances. i got pretty drunk and got in line to meet her and Jenna signed my stomach. there was no hiding that from the wife. i just told her the whole story straight and she was cool. you should do the same.

Tell her that you used the card to get cash to gamble, that you lost. You probably can say that the name on the bill is some kind of cash advance company in Vegas.

If you lost a lot, that will give her something else to be pissed about, diverting her attention.

Well guys.. its easy for us to say whatever but bottom line is...nobody knows his wife and relationship boundaries like he does.

so dude... just do whatever you gotta do...whatever you see as the best option.... and good luck

Man Up!

go out and spend like 600 or 700 dollars on some really crazy porn videos and magazines- then when she brings up the strip club you say "you think that was bad-go look in the closet!!!"

Which one did ya go to? only asking cuz the wife and I are headed down there the end of the month :D

Don't lie.. that pisses us off more. :D

im gonna go with don't lie and just tell her. it's not like you cheated on her, now if you went to the bunny ranch, that's a different story.

and yeah- it is not like we are talking about star wars toys here :)

Sorry for being harsh in my first response to this; let me try to explain why I think it's far better to tell your wife the truth rather than concoct some elaborate lie to cover up what happened.

You love your wife; your wife loves you. Trust is an integral part of love. Destroying trust is one of the most effective ways imaginable of wrecking a relationship. When your wife catches you lying to her, you've destroyed her ability to believe anything that comes out of your mouth; earning back that trust is extremely difficult.

I think you're afraid of facing what you imagine to be dire consequences if your wife finds out you visited a strip club without telling her. First of all, I'll bet that she won't be as angry or upset as you're imagining. Second, she'll be FAR angrier when she catches on to your lie than she would be if you just straight-up told her the truth in the first place.

Believe me (and Elara and Kari, who basically said the same thing): lying to your wife is a far more dangerous thing for your relationship than admitting you had a moment of weakness and went to watch nekkid girls dance around poles and have one of them wriggle on your lap for a bit.

How you handle breaking the news to your wife is critical. Don't be defiant or defensive. Be sincere and apologetic; let her know how important she is to you and that you've not been able to sleep at night with this on your conscience. Admit it and apologize. Yeah, she might be mad, but she'll get over it, and she'll still be able to trust you.

Oh, and buying her a present that costs more than whatever you spent at the club would be a nice gesture too. ;)

First, thank you for everyone's advice.

For those on the Honesty side of the fence...sorry but that's not an option. I've already broken her trust once. It was actually somewhat related. I went to a buddy's bachelor party and there were strippers there. I told her all of this in advance, and she was cool with it, as long as I promised not to get a lap dance. Well during the party, one of the girls hopped on my lap and asked if I wanted one. I said no. She was persistent. But so was I. She finally got off me. I didn't tell her about it, but she was pissed when she found out later (through my brother). I felt like it was something that didn't need to be told.

So basically, there's no way I'm going to justify over $400 worth of lap dances to her.

btw Kari, you look like one of the girls at the club. :D

Originally posted by mindsink
First, thank you for everyone's advice.

For those on the Honesty side of the fence...sorry but that's not an option. I've already broken her trust once. It was actually somewhat related. I went to a buddy's bachelor party and there were strippers there. I told her all of this in advance, and she was cool with it, as long as I promised not to get a lap dance. Well during the party, one of the girls hopped on my lap and asked if I wanted one. I said no. She was persistent. But so was I. She finally got off me. I didn't tell her about it, but she was pissed when she found out later (through my brother). I felt like it was something that didn't need to be told.

So basically, there's no way I'm going to justify over $400 worth of lap dances to her.

btw Kari, you look like one of the girls at the club. :D

Well hell, that kinda enlightens us up on the situation. I guess the question now is why is it such a big deal to her?

Still say be honest. Be a man and take what is coming to you.
Besides - no mear mortal man can resist the lapdance.

dag

I said the same thing too. I was just more eloquent. :D

Originally posted by Aratinga
Sorry for being harsh in my first response to this; let me try to explain why I think it's far better to tell your wife the truth rather than concoct some elaborate lie to cover up what happened.

You love your wife; your wife loves you. Trust is an integral part of love. Destroying trust is one of the most effective ways imaginable of wrecking a relationship. When your wife catches you lying to her, you've destroyed her ability to believe anything that comes out of your mouth; earning back that trust is extremely difficult.

I think you're afraid of facing what you imagine to be dire consequences if your wife finds out you visited a strip club without telling her. First of all, I'll bet that she won't be as angry or upset as you're imagining. Second, she'll be FAR angrier when she catches on to your lie than she would be if you just straight-up told her the truth in the first place.

Believe me (and Elara and Kari, who basically said the same thing): lying to your wife is a far more dangerous thing for your relationship than admitting you had a moment of weakness and went to watch nekkid girls dance around poles and have one of them wriggle on your lap for a bit.

How you handle breaking the news to your wife is critical. Don't be defiant or defensive. Be sincere and apologetic; let her know how important she is to you and that you've not been able to sleep at night with this on your conscience. Admit it and apologize. Yeah, she might be mad, but she'll get over it, and she'll still be able to trust you.

Oh, and buying her a present that costs more than whatever you spent at the club would be a nice gesture too. ;)

Well, if you'd have just told her the first time you probably wouldn't be in the predicament you are in now.. if she finds out you lie to her TWICE she will castrate you.. It's better if you tell her now., but don't make it look like you are telling her because you're busted anyway.. try to make it seem sincere..

Originally posted by mindsink
First, thank you for everyone's advice.

For those on the Honesty side of the fence...sorry but that's not an option. I've already broken her trust once. It was actually somewhat related. I went to a buddy's bachelor party and there were strippers there. I told her all of this in advance, and she was cool with it, as long as I promised not to get a lap dance. Well during the party, one of the girls hopped on my lap and asked if I wanted one. I said no. She was persistent. But so was I. She finally got off me. I didn't tell her about it, but she was pissed when she found out later (through my brother). I felt like it was something that didn't need to be told.

So basically, there's no way I'm going to justify over $400 worth of lap dances to her.

btw Kari, you look like one of the girls at the club. :D

dude you spent $400 dollars on another woman. there is no way she is going to miss that. what matters is when and how she finds out.

Originally posted by mindsink
For those on the Honesty side of the fence...sorry but that's not an option. I've already broken her trust once.

No, you've broken her trust TWICE (like guy said), she just hasn't found out about the second time yet. It still counts, even if she doesn't know about it.

Good luck - you're going to need it. I'm on the honesty side as well - but $400!!!! Can you tell her that $350 was for liquor and you were blind stupid drunk?

Regards,
Gordon

$400......lemme say, you're in big sh*t!

$400? Must have been one hell of a lap dance... :)

It wasn't just one lap dance. :D

Originally posted by mindsink
It wasn't just one lap dance. :D

what club was it btw?

Wth, $400???? Ok, if I were your wife, let's just say I'd be pissed. Even if you told me the truth. Comon! You coulda spent that $400 on your car, yourself, or your wife for that matter if ANY woman. Instead you wasted it on some girl for one night who probably has more std's than brain cells... :(

Originally posted by Gord96BRG
No, you've broken her trust TWICE (like guy said), she just hasn't found out about the second time yet. It still counts, even if she doesn't know about it.

Good luck - you're going to need it. I'm on the honesty side as well - but $400!!!! Can you tell her that $350 was for liquor and you were blind stupid drunk?

Regards,
Gordon

Ok, we're splitting hairs here I think.

Anyways, she knows I don't drink. I was never drunk during the whole weekend. We were also constantly together. The time frame that we weren't was about 3 hours.

If the lap dances were $25 per song, you get 16 songs, but he also needed door fee, and maybe a drink or two. So lets just say 14 songs * 5 mins per song = less than an hour and a half.

Originally posted by Kari
Wth, $400???? Ok, if I were your wife, let's just say I'd be pissed. Even if you told me the truth. Comon! You coulda spent that $400 on your car, yourself, or your wife for that matter if ANY woman. Instead you wasted it on some girl for one night who probably has more std's than brain cells... :(

You sound a lot like my wife. ;)

Originally posted by mindsink
For those on the Honesty side of the fence...sorry but that's not an option. I've already broken her trust once. It was actually somewhat related. I went to a buddy's bachelor party and there were strippers there. I told her all of this in advance, and she was cool with it, as long as I promised not to get a lap dance. Well during the party, one of the girls hopped on my lap and asked if I wanted one. I said no. She was persistent. But so was I. She finally got off me. I didn't tell her about it, but she was pissed when she found out later (through my brother). I felt like it was something that didn't need to be told.

first off i'd like to say your wife needs to loosen up...you guys are married so she should fully trust you...if not, she should've gotten the f out when you guys were dating...in the end, however, you married her so you have to live with it...personally, there are just some things my girl should not get mad at me about because getting mad at me would just provoke me to end up lying in cases that are not under my control, such as the first lap dance...if it's not my fault, it's not my fault and if you continue to give me shit about it, i'm going to end up lying to you

So basically, there's no way I'm going to justify over $400 worth of lap dances to her.

that right there is your mistake...you lost all self control and now you need to face consequences...i say take it up the ass and sleep on the couch for the next week or so...this time, it WAS your fault so like guy said, man up...if she finds out about this w/o you telling her, i'd say pack the bags...

I'll bet this marraige isn't going to last anyway. Fess up and start the paper work now as opposed to later.

I'd hope it was Olympic Gardens at least.. :) Then it's 20 per dance, 20 at the door, and VIP room is 200+

Just fess up, and tell your wife. The more you lie, it will just get worse. Just tell her she married someone that likes to go to an occasional strip club, look at other naked chicks, and it's just looking, not doing anything else... <ahem.. hopefully nothing else>.

If you're going to lie, then it's really not that hard to call your credit card company to not send the statement to you, but instead pay it off before it arrives. Skip a month. Or you can just explain to them your situation that you went to strip club..etc etc.. and maybe they'll help you out.

The money isnt the issue.. but for $400 you could have gotten an escort, and atleast you'd have something to really be in deep shit over.

Not to put on my psychologist hat -- BUT -- I would have to say that you really wanted to get caught. You went to the club, which you already said was forbidden by your wife, while on a trip WITH your wife during the only 3 hours you were alone and used a joint CC to pay. I will say it again -- deep down you want to get caught. You are tired of being emasculated by your wife and unfortunately instead of stepping up like a man you created a scenario where the confrontation must happen out of your control. I say forget the CC charge and have a talk with your wife about what you need as a man and how you can no longer let her dominate you and your relationship. You have an internal need as a man to be dangerous and to win your woman's heart -- tell her how you really feel -- you know deep down that's what she really wants too -- you to step up to the plate and act like a man -- that's really why she acts that way -- she is resorting to a fear of losing your interest since you are not pursuing her and trying to win her heart.

wow the forum has gotten quite interesting recently

Dude,

You're gonna do what you're gonna do. Why does any of this bother you? If you (or she) can't handle you visiting a strip club, then why are you all married to each other? Its like complaining about gravity, or the sun rising in the morning.

If your gonna visit strip clubs, then that's who you are. If she finds that unacceptable, then she's telling you who she is --BELIEVE HER. Time for you both to decide what you all want from each other, and if you both can't agree, then your both married to the wrong person.

Its not about either of you changing into something you're not, its about you both being who you are, and being with another person who accepts that.

Originally posted by N5TEV
Dude,

You're gonna do what you're gonna do. Why does any of this bother you? If you (or she) can't handle you visiting a strip club, then why are you all married to each other? Its like complaining about gravity, or the sun rising in the morning.

If your gonna visit strip clubs, then that's who you are. If she finds that unacceptable, then she's telling you who she is --BELIEVE HER. Time for you both to decide what you all want from each other, and if you both can't agree, then your both married to the wrong person.

Its not about either of you changing into something you're not, its about you both being who you are, and being with another person who accepts that.

You make some good interesting points. I stopped going to strip clubs after we started dating due to her saying to me bluntly, "I don't want you going to strip clubs". But you know what, it is who I am and visiting strip clubs has nothing to do with my wife nor our marriage. It has everything to do with me being a heterosexual male human being.

$400... I could get her to do anything for me...

Relax they usually go under a different name... "so and so Pty. Ltd"... you can just say it is gambling money.

Relax man... I go a lot of times and sure the Mrs will be angry if found out but strip club is so inert --- you are not having sex, just fantasies

Originally posted by RXhusker
When she asks -- just wink at her at say "What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas" I hope she spent more on her shopping spree than you did on yours :p



YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It takes a lot of time and energy to make up a lie.

How do we record memories (truths)? What senses do we use? We use our 5 senses to do such. Sight, sound, touch, smell and taste. Though not all of these senses are used for every memory, a vast majority of them are.

Why is it hard to lie? Because when you lie about something, you have no memory of these senses to fall back on, it is a figment of imagination that you are perpetuating.

To tell the truth it only takes the memory of your senses and the experiences you lived. I always go with the truth because a lie is too hard to keep going. Take it like a man and and tell your wife you paid fot it and did it. The truth only hurts for a little while but getting caught in a lie will loose all trust for a long time and may never be fully recovered.

Originally posted by mindsink
You make some good interesting points. I stopped going to strip clubs after we started dating due to her saying to me bluntly, "I don't want you going to strip clubs". But you know what, it is who I am and visiting strip clubs has nothing to do with my wife nor our marriage. It has everything to do with me being a heterosexual male human being.


Actually, I understand males. Really. BUT males never TRY to understand women. *We're* always the ones expected to understand that men just have to do their thing. And if we don't, we get called being a b*tch. Well, then why the hell are you married??? Seriously, think about it. Its about respect ppl. About respecting and loving your wife enough to know that its not right to be looking lustfully at other naked women, and then viewing your wife later.. Sorry, but that's how I feel.

You can bash me now for feeling that way. Its too bad ppl don't believe in everlasting true love anymore.. Its not the "in" thing anyway..

I think this is where the problem lies.. everything you do after you get married is a "We" thing. Like you said, it's a joint account, so she will know how you spend that money. Perhaps the other members are right, you shouldn't have gotten married at all if you want to do it your way or the highway. Marriage is about compromises... it's things you CAN give up. Strip clubs, I'm sure you can give up to save a marriage you find fulfilling.

Besides, I've always felt rather stupid to go to strip clubs to begin with... not like I can take the girl home, etc etc. It's some other person's g/f or wife.. and I'm giving them 20 bucks for a 2-3 minute song and show me boobs that I've seen a billion times on national geographic? I mean if it was free... sure... but I'm not going to fork over 20 bucks for each song.

Originally posted by mindsink
You make some good interesting points. I stopped going to strip clubs after we started dating due to her saying to me bluntly, "I don't want you going to strip clubs". But you know what, it is who I am and visiting strip clubs has nothing to do with my wife nor our marriage. It has everything to do with me being a heterosexual male human being.

Mindsink- interesting thread

How do you know your wife was really shopping? :) Maybe she was out getting a little eye-candy herself ! Women like to look too you know.

Also you said you used the wrong credit card- so you have another card you usually use in situations like this? My impression is you've had more than 2 lap dances in your life- ----rrrright? and you are upset now because it is the second time you have a high probability of getting caught-- naughty boy :)

WOW,

what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.

If your wife was cool, she wouldnt care. you got to try to spin it so you can both go. dont ask me how, that is for someone far greater at the game than I.

and in case that doesnt work, well, i hope you got a pre nup, otherwise, kiss you 8 goodbye!!


On a side note, my g/f (sorry ladies :( ) doesnt care. we have a good understanding of each other.

hey which strip club u goto? Treasures? Spirimint Rhino???

i just wanna know??

id say tell the truth but like im not married so what do i really know

Ooo... Kari does look cute

well dude.....good luck and let us know the outcome....

Damn Tripwire, you are very creative.

O.K., who is first on the account? Who pays the bills? If you do, no prob. If she does, save up the cash, and deposit it into your account. Then tell her the credit card company contacted you about a billing error on your card, and is crediting the amount to your account. Pretty weak I know, but as you must have shit for your brains to make such a stupid mistake, and are asking us to help you deceive the love of your life (except for Muffy back in Vegas), you are obviously desperate.

You could also tell the credit card company you bought her a present, and you don't want the item to show on the statement because it would ruin the surprize, but send a separate statement to you at your office and you will pay it. Again, that may work, unless as Tripwire suggests, the name on the statement is "Pussy's Are Us".

One more option, call the club, ask them to rescend the charges on your credit card, and you will pay them cash, plus something for their trouble, for the accommodation. I am sure such an establishment will not have scruples.

P.S., Don't try this again in the future. You are obviously not very good at it. :(

Be the superhero and come clean right this instant. She will hate you for an indefinite period of time, but will appreciate the gesture of honesty, even if she never shows it.

Better to blow it all up this way than waiting for the bill to come and then having to make excuses and dig urself deeper into the abyss.

...On a side note...

The last time I spent $400 at a strip club was at Spearmint Rhino, where my RX-7 got impounded for the entire weekend due to expired tags, which was due to lack of smog places that would let me pass with modified/missing emissions components.

I only spent $20 while getting into the club. The other $380 went to the tow yard. At least I got the watered down Coke for free.

Mindsink,
be a man fess up.

you said she would check the bill online if it was "lost" Do you both check up on each other about a lot of things? Where's the trust?
could be two strikes one more .....

The lounge is very interesting.

Originally posted by mindsink
Ok, I'll try not to make this long-winded...

Went to Vegas for the weekend.

Went to strip club while wife was shopping.

Charged it to the wrong credit card (the one that both my wife and I share). She will see the statement. :confused:

So basically, I need to hide/remove this charge from my credit card statement. What can I do?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks! :D

sorry to say it but what you are trying to do ( covering up the strip club visit is BU!! Sh!t) Grow up already. There is cause and effect. YOu went to the strip club right now tell your wife. YOur marrage will not last if you lie about something as petty as a strip club. Why are you going to lie about it, think about tis way yes you saw girls at a strip club but you did not Fu-k around with them nor cheat right. You also came home to your wife.

I honsetly would not go to a strip club i think they are very dirty and i am happy with my boyfriend so i dont need to see other guys.

Originally posted by Kari
Actually, I understand males. Really. BUT males never TRY to understand women. *We're* always the ones expected to understand that men just have to do their thing. And if we don't, we get called being a b*tch. Well, then why the hell are you married??? Seriously, think about it. Its about respect ppl. About respecting and loving your wife enough to know that its not right to be looking lustfully at other naked women, and then viewing your wife later.. Sorry, but that's how I feel.

You can bash me now for feeling that way. Its too bad ppl don't believe in everlasting true love anymore.. Its not the "in" thing anyway..

Kari maybe to other people True love is not "IN" but to me it is. I never believed in Love at first sight but until recently I do now. I have been with felipe for a 2 months of yesterday and I still cant stop thinking of him and when I do think of him I get the biggest smile.

Also I could not have said it any better "About respecting and loving your wife enough to know that its not right to be looking lustfully at other naked women, and then viewing your wife later " Its the truth if you love your wife so much why the hell would you want to go see women dancing on poles ect. Instead of wasting some 100s of dollars go take your wife to a fancy restaurant not a strip club.


P. s Kari you look like my ex girlfriend of 3 years. I dated her for a 3 years I was going to marry her but I knew something wasn't right I had two choices. Choice A be like everyone else and get married. I also would feel empty inside like something is missing. OR B finally omit that I am gay and fall in love with a guy that I loved even though I know I would not have kids (the hardest part for me to not have kids I love kids). The choice I made was one of the best choices I have made and I told my ex girl friend (keri) that I was gay which was very hard she moved back up north and cut off all communications but we started talking again so IM happy that I still have her as a friend.


well IM done with my rant and raving

I didn't read all 6 pages...too tired....
but I do work for Visa so I can look it up for you...what it would say on your next statement (card acceptor name) IF it was a Visa transaction. I PMed you w/ my contact info if you need my help.

Originally posted by DjGO
Kari maybe to other people True love is not "IN" but to me it is. I never believed in Love at first sight but until recently I do now. I have been with felipe for a 2 months of yesterday and I still cant stop thinking of him and when I do think of him I get the biggest smile.

Also I could not have said it any better "About respecting and loving your wife enough to know that its not right to be looking lustfully at other naked women, and then viewing your wife later " Its the truth if you love your wife so much why the hell would you want to go see women dancing on poles ect. Instead of wasting some 100s of dollars go take your wife to a fancy restaurant not a strip club.


P. s Kari you look like my ex girlfriend of 3 years. I dated her for a 3 years I was going to marry her but I knew something wasn't right I had two choices. Choice A be like everyone else and get married. I also would feel empty inside like something is missing. OR B finally omit that I am gay and fall in love with a guy that I loved even though I know I would not have kids (the hardest part for me to not have kids I love kids). The choice I made was one of the best choices I have made and I told my ex girl friend (keri) that I was gay which was very hard she moved back up north and cut off all communications but we started talking again so IM happy that I still have her as a friend.

well IM done with my rant and raving


You know, it really makes me happy to know someone actually thinks like me and doesn't put me down for it. Thanks DjGo for helping restore my hope in ppl again. :)

And btw, I'm glad things worked out in the end.. I'm sure it was hard to have to admit that, but I'm glad everyone came out of it better than ever. :) Your gf may have lost a great bf, but at least she didn't lose a great friend. :)

So with all that said, I wish you and your significant other the best of luck! :)

Originally posted by Kari
You know, it really makes me happy to know someone actually thinks like me and doesn't put me down for it. Thanks DjGo for helping restore my hope in ppl again. :)

And btw, I'm glad things worked out in the end.. I'm sure it was hard to have to admit that, but I'm glad everyone came out of it better than ever. :) Your gf may have lost a great bf, but at least she didn't lose a great friend. :)

So with all that said, I wish you and your significant other the best of luck! :)

Hey dont let anyone put you down. If they do put you down it shows there mentality and there self respect for themselves. Its just like when you go to the super market and you are picking out fruit not all of them are good or bad. Its just like people same exact thing not all of them are good nor bad. but you cant eat people........... " ah clarise" hanibal LOL

well i would love to type nad chat with everyone but i have an interview at Mazda For sales and i have work at 12:00 so i bid you a due

Good night everyone


p.s you guys can call me Daniel, Danny, Dj ect

Originally posted by DjGO
Hey dont let anyone put you down. If they do put you down it shows there mentality and there self respect for themselves. Its just like when you go to the super market and you are picking out fruit not all of them are good or bad. Its just like people same exact thing not all of them are good nor bad. but you cant eat people........... "

You heard right flamers. Now If I where you I would have taken my wife and or gilr with me to da club:)

Originally posted by DOMINION
You heard right flamers. Now If I where you I would have taken my wife and or gilr with me to da club:)


Dont mean to be an ass but WHAT!!!!!! did u mean by flamers?

See-->CLICKY! (http://www.rx8club.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=33197&perpage=15&pagenumber=1)
Originally posted by Phlash69
jeod20,

I'll give you credit for this........the very fact that you are coming back here to try to answer/stand up to all the flaming you are getting takes some guts. There's a lot to be said for that. Most would disappear in a cave after getting this much grief. I'm sure it goes without saying that you have learned a expensive lesson no matter what happens. Keep your cool with the dealer and Mazda (you draw more bee's with honey than vinegar). We're all busy....you need to make time to bust your ass to get as much info and gather all the facts (in writing) that you can before you go after anybody or anyone (else you may become the BIGGER fool). Good luck........

Oh yea BTY DJGO, Are you a DJ? I'm going to see DJ Baby Anne @ Luxor on July 14? and Ultimate DJ Battlle @ Ice in Las Vegas?.

Interesting thread. It's funny to read people's different perspectives on the issue. I see it like this:

There are some women who just *will not tolerate* their man going to a strip club, and have *no* desire to go themselves. Let's call them conservative. They generally do not have any tattoos or unusual piercings, and think of themselves as "good girls." They are good for marrying because they usually do not get too drunk, use drugs, or cheat on you. They must occasionally be lied to, or more accurately, simply not told of the truth, in order to win their trust and affection, because they have inaccurate perceptions of the male gender from their reading of romance novels and/or Cosmo. They are idealists. For a photo of one of these beautiful specimens, see "Kari." :D

Some girls are not like this, and have more liberal qualities. They definitely can be more fun, but usually not as ideal to marry for the above reasons. There was a quote from the movie "Arthur" that explained this, when his grandmother was giving him advice, but I can't find it. Something about marrying the society girl and playing around on the side with the tart.

***Note: the above comments are generalizations only, exceptions DO occur.

Congratulations on choosing the right kind of girl to marry, they are harder to please, and require more maintenence, but are worth it in the long run.

I wouldn't count on the club not using their real name on the bill, as opposed to most of the advice you have been given. I can share a similar credit card fiasco when the bill for "Heartbreakers" showed up to the tune of $300, even after them assuring me it would show up as "J and D Interests" or something like that.

At least you are prepared, and will not be surprised like I was. Good luck trying to find a solution. I was forced to admit the awful truth, but the pain didn't last long. (Imagine coming home to a very pissed off wife holding a credit card statement in hand saying "WTF is this?") :(

Interestingly, this is probably why married men stastically live longer than single men. These conservative women limit our bad habits to the few hours we are not with them.

I'm surprised the more liberal contingent didn't learn more from the master himself, Bill Clinton, about creative truth-telling. It really isn't that difficult: never admit to ANYTHING unpleasant unless there is no alternative. Not telling the truth is NOT the same thing as lying. Creative definitions can be used to your advantage.

That's enough for now. :)

Strip clubs , visiting bordellos ETC ....... CASH IS KING .


cheers
michael

Dude....just tell her the TRUTH...maybe next time she will want to go also :D

Wow, what a discussion I've started!

I really appreciate all the different viewpoints and advice.

However, I am NOT going the honesty route here. In the end, I know my wife better than anyone else, and I'm 99% sure that telling the truth is not in my best interest.

Claiming Fraud (or a CC mistake) is easy enough, and she may not think twice, because it's happened to both of us before (fraudulent charges, that is). I've used my credit card quite a bit over the weekend which means numerous opportunities for some punk to swipe it and get a dump.

The wheels have already begun to spin. This morning, I purposely used our other credit card to get gas because <lie>they declined my main credit card for some reason.</lie>

The reality here is that I cannot start telling the truth about something like this until she can 'almost' accept it. I'm working on that part. I've come a long way in our 10 years of "opening her mind" and being more liberal and accepting of my "bad habits". She now accepts my porn collection. 7 years ago...forget it.

I feel sorry for your wife, Mindsink. Have you thought about how humiliating it will be for her when she finds out how gullible she's been all this time? She'll be hurt, and then she'll be angry that you took advantage of her trust in you.

My (now -ex) husband did this to me. Like an idiot, I believed everything he told me; when his house of cards finally came tumbling down and I discovered the extent and scope of all his lies, it was devastating to me (both financially and emotionally)and lethal to the marriage.

You're falling into a trap of situational ethics here that will come back to bite you in the a$$ sooner or later. Please don't treat your wife with this kind of disrespect. Please.

Explain to me WHY the honesty route is not the best.....I can think of NO situation besides the person on the death bed where lying is going to be best for the situation. Telling her the truth now will be more painful than lying (to her at least....who knows how your concise is doing, because I think the lying would be more painful???) and no matter what telling her the truth now will be less painful than in 5 years when your going through a divorce.


So again.....why is lying the best route????

dude..... you spent $400.00 in a strip club... You know what your wife may end up concluding right??? $400 worth of lapdances?? I don't think so. Shes gonna assume that you boned a stripper.... or at least got a hood-wash.... and once that assumption is made, you may not be able to convince her otherwise.

like i said earlier. ....Only you know your situation and wife the best....so do what you gotta do to clean this mess up or else you may be headed for divorce city.

Aratinga said it best but let me just add, mindsink as you've said "the wheels have already begun to spin". now the lies have started to cover up what you did. and the lies will perpetuate themselves and the hole you dig will get deeper. you should have cut your losses and told her the truth. because now when she finds out and she will find out it won't just be 1 lie about the night of lap dancing it will be many lies and each new lie will hurt her more and more.

It's the best route for one simple reason: It's easy to get away with. The odds of her finding out are near zero (unless there was a camera in the strip club).

btw, it's not a joint account. It's MY account that she happens to keep track of.

The hole I dig will be very shallow. And I will then fill the hole with dirt, and it will be all behind me. I don't have to do much lying here.

SO mindsink....let me ask you this morals question.......

You are given the opportunity on a business trip to have a one night stand. The girl you are about to sleep with leave tomorrow for Europe, never to return. So you are basically assured that your wife will never find out about this affair. AGAIN....SHE WILL NEVER FIND OUT. Do you have the one night stand.....just because you can get away with it????

Originally posted by sea-rx8
SO mindsink....let me ask you this morals question.......

You are given the opportunity on a business trip to have a one night stand. The girl you are about to sleep with leave tomorrow for Europe, never to return. So you are basically assured that your wife will never find out about this affair. AGAIN....SHE WILL NEVER FIND OUT. Do you have the one night stand.....just because you can get away with it????

It depends how hot she is. :D

Seriously though, probably not. There's a big difference between getting a lap dance, and having sex with someone. I guess you can say that's where I draw the moral line.

Never lie to your wife.

Lies catch up to people. Rent a copy of A Simple Plan.

My marriage would be more damaged by a big lie than it would about a lapdance. The pain of the latter would be temporary.

T.

Originally posted by Truss
Never lie to your wife.

Lies catch up to people. Rent a copy of A Simple Plan.

My marriage would be more damaged by a big lie than it would about a lapdance. The pain of the latter would be temporary.

T.

I've seen that movie before. Great flick.

Lies catch up to people who don't know how to lie well.

I'm a great liar, as sad as that may sound. :D

Go ahead, my friend, perpetuate your lie, not telling isn't really lying, covering up isn't really lying, filling in the hole isn't really lying, but if she asks and you do not tell, then that is lying. If afterwards, she finds out, what is your game plan then? Chances are you think you can cover it up, chances are you may get caught. It is you who has to worry about those chances.

Let us know if she ever finds out, and if anyone posts I told you so, I'll personally delete their response because it won't be neccessary for you are the one who will be eating crow.

Originally posted by mindsink
I've seen that movie before. Great flick.

Lies catch up to people who don't know how to lie well.

I'm a great liar, as sad as that may sound. :D

Never buy a used car off of this man. :D

Originally posted by D MENAC 7
Go ahead, my friend, perpetuate your lie, not telling isn't really lying, covering up isn't really lying, filling in the hole isn't really lying, but if she asks and you do not tell, then that is lying. If afterwards, she finds out, what is your game plan then? Chances are you think you can cover it up, chances are you may get caught. It is you who has to worry about those chances.

Let us know if she ever finds out, and if anyone posts I told you so, I'll personally delete their response because it won't be neccessary for you are the one who will be eating crow.

Yeah, I'll definately let you all know how it goes. I just hope she finds out AFTER I buy my RX8. :D

yeah, that way you'll have a fast getaway. :D

You dug your hole, now curl up and sleep in it man.

Originally posted by Speed-ER doc
Interesting thread. It's funny to read people's different perspectives on the issue. I see it like this:

There are some women who just *will not tolerate* their man going to a strip club, and have *no* desire to go themselves. Let's call them conservative. They generally do not have any tattoos or unusual piercings, and think of themselves as "good girls." They are good for marrying because they usually do not get too drunk, use drugs, or cheat on you. They must occasionally be lied to, or more accurately, simply not told of the truth, in order to win their trust and affection, because they have inaccurate perceptions of the male gender from their reading of romance novels and/or Cosmo. They are idealists. For a photo of one of these beautiful specimens, see "Kari." :D



Lol sounds like me, but I don't read romance novels, and cosmo is for the fashion and sex articles. :D I more or less am this way because I feel its the best way to be frankly. My feelings are that I would follow my husband to the ends of the earth. So in return, I only want his undying love, trust, and affection. In otherwards, I want to "feel" like im in perfect love. I want him to love me and understand me enough to know not to look upon other women.. not cause I told him not to (because I don't want have to tell him to do things) but because HE wants to--knowing its right.

If he truly loved me, he wouldn't desire to do those things anyway--and it wouldn't be such a big "sacrifice".

*sigh* Love is hard enough.. without bringing such low expectations into it...

Originally posted by Aratinga
I feel sorry for your wife, Mindsink. Have you thought about how humiliating it will be for her when she finds out how gullible she's been all this time? She'll be hurt, and then she'll be angry that you took advantage of her trust in you.

My (now -ex) husband did this to me. Like an idiot, I believed everything he told me; when his house of cards finally came tumbling down and I discovered the extent and scope of all his lies, it was devastating to me (both financially and emotionally)and lethal to the marriage.

You're falling into a trap of situational ethics here that will come back to bite you in the a$$ sooner or later. Please don't treat your wife with this kind of disrespect. Please.

I still agree with Aratinga and everyone else. If you don't tell her, you're going to dig a hole into which you may never get out. I can't even imagine how hurt and upset I would be if my husband did this to me. I would never trust him again (or at least not without a lot of therapy).

Originally posted by Kari
Lol sounds like me, but I don't read romance novels, and cosmo is for the fashion and sex articles. :D I more or less am this way because I feel its the best way to be frankly. My feelings are that I would follow my husband to the ends of the earth. So in return, I only want his undying love, trust, and affection. In otherwards, I want to "feel" like im in perfect love. I want him to love me and understand me enough to know not to look upon other women.. not cause I told him not to (because I don't want have to tell him to do things) but because HE wants to--knowing its right.

If he truly loved me, he wouldn't desire to do those things anyway--and it wouldn't be such a big "sacrifice".

*sigh* Love is hard enough.. without bringing such low expectations into it...

Kari,

If you loved him, and he did want to go...would you accept it?

you sound like my wife. she doesn't want me to subscribe to playboy. i'm missing out on good articles!

Originally posted by Kari
Lol sounds like me, but I don't read romance novels, and cosmo is for the fashion and sex articles. :D I more or less am this way because I feel its the best way to be frankly. My feelings are that I would follow my husband to the ends of the earth. So in return, I only want his undying love, trust, and affection. In otherwards, I want to "feel" like im in perfect love. I want him to love me and understand me enough to know not to look upon other women.. not cause I told him not to (because I don't want have to tell him to do things) but because HE wants to--knowing its right.

If he truly loved me, he wouldn't desire to do those things anyway--and it wouldn't be such a big "sacrifice".

*sigh* Love is hard enough.. without bringing such low expectations into it...

Originally posted by liqiud
Kari,

If you loved him, and he did want to go...would you accept it?


Sorry, but no. I couldn't. If he loved me, he wouldn't desire to go. Sorry, but I do feel that way. Why would he have to spend money to look at another woman if he loved me? Seriously. If he has to look at other women, obviously it shows he's not ready to be committed..

And I feel the same as Elara. Recently Q and I have had trust issues as well. I used to believe in him 100% that he'd never cheat on me. Shoot, I woulda let him go on a cruise with a bunch of naked women and I would still trust him. But ever since I kept finding lies, I started to not trust him. Now I can't trust him if he merely looks at another woman..... :( Its how we work, sorry guys.

Yeah, If Kari were my wife i'd never leave the house as long as she was there!

Booyobooy we'd eat and eat.. and eat..

bibim bap!

* removed double post *

Originally posted by Kari
If he truly loved me, he wouldn't desire to do those things anyway--and it wouldn't be such a big "sacrifice".

I'm sorry, but that's a crock of $hit. It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with animal instincts. Different men have different thresholds of how much they can control.

Originally posted by mindsink
I'm sorry, but that's a crock of $hit. It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with animal instincts. Different men have different thresholds of how much they can control.

*sigh* I feel bad for your wife. You should just tell her the truth and let her divorce you if only for the good of her. Obviously its such an annoyance to be married to her if you have to spend $400 on other women and lie to her about it. I bet you're spending more time and energy into this plan than you ever have on celebrating for her birthday. Its sad. You're better off being a bachelor imo.

Well Mindsink, I hope you get caught, 'cause you're a schmuck for lying to your wife.

I guess some guys are just more animal than others.

Personally, I wouldn't go to a strip club if I had a wife who didn't want me to go. No Its not because I'd be whipped.. but frankly I wouldnt have the desire. THe only reason I go to them now is if a woman drags me there. What's the pointof goung by yourself or with other guys??

I've never seen a dog or cat strip club.. you dont see deer in the middle of the woods on poles..

That is YOUR desire.. dont make it seem like all men feel the same way..

THANKS!

Originally posted by mindsink
I'm sorry, but that's a crock of $hit. It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with animal instincts. Different men have different thresholds of how much they can control.

ok...so while i don't agree with this comment...


Originally posted by Kari
If he truly loved me, he wouldn't desire to do those things anyway--and it wouldn't be such a big "sacrifice".


i do agree with

Originally posted by Kari
*sigh* I feel bad for your wife. You should just tell her the truth and let her divorce you if only for the good of her. Obviously its such an annoyance to be married to her if you have to spend $400 on other women and lie to her about it. I bet you're spending more time and energy into this plan than you ever have on celebrating for her birthday. Its sad. You're better off being a bachelor imo.

I have a hard time believeing that you ever put this much thought into her birthday / aniversary...just my 2 cents.

Originally posted by guy321
I guess some guys are just more animal than others.

Personally, I wouldn't go to a strip club if I had a wife who didn't want me to go. No Its not because I'd be whipped.. but frankly I wouldnt have the desire. THe only reason I go to them now is if a woman drags me there. What's the point?

I've never seen a dog or cat strip club.. you dont see deer in the middle of the woods on poles..

That is YOUR desire.. dont make it seem like all men feel the same way..

THANKS!

Absolutely...i see no point to go, but at least i know if i wanted to my GF would be ok with it.

Originally posted by Kari
*sigh* I feel bad for your wife. You should just tell her the truth and let her divorce you if only for the good of her. Obviously its such an annoyance to be married to her if you have to spend $400 on other women and lie to her about it. I bet you're spending more time and energy into this plan than you ever have on celebrating for her birthday. Its sad. You're better off being a bachelor imo.

Well, you're certainly entitled to your opinion. Don't feel bad for her. We have a wonderful happy marriage. We travel all the time, and are both successful in our careers.

Hey, BTW..

What's your wife's #? :D

I wont tell her about the strip club. Promise.

Originally posted by guy321
I guess some guys are just more animal than others.

Personally, I wouldn't go to a strip club if I had a wife who didn't want me to go. No Its not because I'd be whipped.. but frankly I wouldnt have the desire. THe only reason I go to them now is if a woman drags me there. What's the pointof goung by yourself or with other guys??

I've never seen a dog or cat strip club.. you dont see deer in the middle of the woods on poles..

That is YOUR desire.. dont make it seem like all men feel the same way..

THANKS!

I used to say the same thing before I was married.

desperate people do desparate things. :D

Originally posted by guy321
Hey, BTW..

What's your wife's #? :D

I wont tell her about the strip club. Promise.

Originally posted by liqiud
I have a hard time believeing that you ever put this much thought into her birthday / aniversary...just my 2 cents.

How much thought have I put into this? Not much, believe me.

Originally posted by mindsink
Well, you're certainly entitled to your opinion. Don't feel bad for her. We have a wonderful happy marriage. We travel all the time, and are both successful in our careers.

The only reason why she's happy now is cause she doesn't know anything! You're happiness is all a lie. You're living and married to a lie. Hope you have fun with that. ;)


LOL guy. :D :D

Originally posted by Kari
The only reason why she's happy now is cause she doesn't know anything! You're happiness is all a lie. You're living and married to a lie. Hope you have fun with that. ;)


LOL guy. :D :D

I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase..."What she doesn't know, won't hurt her"?

Lie or not, happiness is happiness. Why should I risk destroying it?

It's like Religion. Freedom of religion is a beautiful thing because people can believe whatever they want to make their lives happy and meaningful. You're the atheist who wants to convince everyone that there is no God.

You obviously do NOT have a happy marriage because if you're interested in, even LOOKING, at ANYONE else then you shouldn't be where you are..and your wife unless she's been cheating on you also, or some what un-faithful, is an innocent bystander to your self indulgent ego, which, if you hadn't gotten rid of it BEFORE you said "I do", you have whats coming to you. Go on say that i was only looking but might as well go on and touch and feel because it's all the same. You are checking out another woman that is NOT your wife whom you promised to be true to and faithful too...there is no excuse and you sir are a sorry one...

I hope for her sake, she finds out..

wow....somebody needs a pint of ice cream....huh....

no..i have a pint of Dublin Mudslide...Ben & Jerry's...at the house waiting...man that's good stuff....anyone want some while we watch Court TV for when this dude gets...Lorraina Bobbited!?

Originally posted by mindsink
I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase..."What she doesn't know, won't hurt her"?

Lie or not, happiness is happiness. Why should I risk destroying it?

It's like Religion. Freedom of religion is a beautiful thing because people can believe whatever they want to make their lives happy and meaningful. You're the atheist who wants to convince everyone that there is no God.


LOL *I'm* the atheist here? Umm, I *believe* in true love. YOU sir do not. Soo, who's the atheist in love here?

But you are right, you are free to cheat on your wife as you please. Too bad you didn't pay attention to your own wedding ceremony and vows. Or? That's right, maybe you were hungover from your bachelor party the night before? Tsk tsk, I'm sure you did nothing there too, huh. ;)

Originally posted by XeRo
You obviously do NOT have a happy marriage because if you're interested in, even LOOKING, at ANYONE else then you shouldn't be where you are..and your wife unless she's been cheating on you also, or some what un-faithful, is an innocent bystander to your self indulgent ego, which, if you hadn't gotten rid of it BEFORE you said "I do", you have whats coming to you. Go on say that i was only looking but might as well go on and touch and feel because it's all the same. You are checking out another woman that is NOT your wife whom you promised to be true to and faithful too...there is no excuse and you sir are a sorry one...

I hope for her sake, she finds out..

You're obviously not male, let alone married.

Everyone has their own definition of what a happy marriage is. Everyone also has different opinions on what constitutes being "unfaithful".

Originally posted by Kari
LOL *I'm* the atheist here? Umm, I *believe* in true love. YOU sir do not. Soo, who's the atheist in love here?

But you are right, you are free to cheat on your wife as you please. Too bad you didn't pay attention to your own wedding ceremony and vows. Or? That's right, you were hungover from your bachelor party the night before. Tsk tsk, I'm sure you did nothing there too, huh.

Please. If you're going to respond, at least respond to the point that I made instead of twisting the word "Atheist" around to form your own completely irrelevant statement about true love.

Actually, I did NOTHING at my Bachelor party, even though my friends all egged me on to get a lap dance (it was at a strip club, ironically).

Originally posted by mindsink
You're obviously not male, let alone married.

Everyone has their own definition of what a happy marriage is. Everyone also has different opinions on what constitutes being "unfaithful".

Very true...everyone believes something else is unfaithful...it is a sliding scale depending on who you are...take my GF for instance, if i was checking someone out as they walked by...not a problem, if i started following them...thats a problem...

Now to the current problem, going to a strip club, normally, she would probably have a problem with it, but going for a special occasion (ie Bachellor party, etc...) not a problem...

In my opinion, if you want the marriage to last, you will play it straight and tell her the truth, if you don't care about the marriage, you will lie as long as you can, and bail as soon as you are caught...

Originally posted by TODreamer
dude..... you spent $400.00 in a strip club... You know what your wife may end up concluding right??? $400 worth of lapdances?? I don't think so. Shes gonna assume that you boned a stripper.... or at least got a hood-wash.... and once that assumption is made, you may not be able to convince her otherwise.

I'm going to call your bluff here and say that spending $400 in Vegas at a titty bar bought you more than lap dances. 25 miles away you could get a lot for that kinda money. I think you got some and that is why you are especially concerned about your wife finding out. And I think that makes you not so good a liar so be careful now.

And Kari, I'm sorry to say that as much as I love my wife (and I do) I still keep my porn. She knows this and accepts it. We are still human and therefore animals so we have desires. I choose not to act out on those desires (hence the porn) but I know they exist. What would happen with your husband if he had no outlet to *release* those desires and a beautiful hotty decides to go on the make for him? Will he be able to maintain??? That is the question.

I am married...and I have my hottie that's why i married her, because she is EVERYTHING...i don't need to check out other women or go to strip clubs to get off...she does an excellent job..

Now noticing another pretty woman is fine and all...there isn't anything wrong with that...now when you want to watch her undress and have her do things that YOU pay for, that's beyond the vows that you PROMISED your wife you would hold true too..

and by what you said...your happiness is based on a LIE...you are lying to wife or trying to...why not MAN UP and tell her...cause deep inside you are what you went to the club to look at...

Originally posted by XeRo
I am married...and I have my hottie that's why i married her, because she is EVERYTHING...i don't need to check out other women or go to strip clubs to get off...she does an excellent job..

Now noticing another pretty woman is fine and all...there isn't anything wrong with that...now when you want to watch her undress and have her do things that YOU pay for, that's beyond the vows that you PROMISED your wife you would hold true too..

Exactly.

Originally posted by 93rdcurrent
And Kari, I'm sorry to say that as much as I love my wife (and I do) I still keep my porn. She knows this and accepts it. We are still human and therefore animals so we have desires. I choose not to act out on those desires (hence the porn) but I know they exist. What would happen with your husband if he had no outlet to *release* those desires and a beautiful hotty decides to go on the make for him? Will he be able to maintain??? That is the question.


Oh nonono, porn is different. I'm talking about strip clubs when I say "viewing other women"--irl in otherwards. Q loves his porn, and I had an issue with it at first (because it was a first for me) but I learned that well, its just a way of "releasing".

It still makes me a bit uncomfortable knowing that he's seen many naked women, and no doubt has probably fantasized being with them.. and then he looks at me, and what? I'm pretty average compared to those women, so I know I'm not much of a comparison.. I know I know, he loves me he doesn't compare etc. etc.. but its what I have to deal with in being a woman who's expected to be perfect in everyway and keep her mouth shut.. :(

Mind: I do think it was unfair for your wife to get mad at you when you clearly didn't want the lap dance and she gave it to you anyway. But also, I'm sure she didn't stick a gun to your head to force one on you, so you still could have stuck your foot down, but you obviously weren't so strong.

Originally posted by XeRo
I am married...and I have my hottie that's why i married her, because she is EVERYTHING...i don't need to check out other women or go to strip clubs to get off...she does an excellent job..

Now noticing another pretty woman is fine and all...there isn't anything wrong with that...now when you want to watch her undress and have her do things that YOU pay for, that's beyond the vows that you PROMISED your wife you would hold true too..

Ok, not all of us get to marry Victoria's Secret models.

This is just pathetic. It's not about having a happy marriage, it's about respecting the person to whom you're married. Your wife has a right to know about this. By not telling her, you are taking away her choice regarding whether to stay with you. This is something akin to fraud, and you ought to be ashamed.

There are people on here who freak out about whether a stupid car dealer, without telling them, changed out a trunk lid on their RX-8 before they bought it. Why? Because they believe they should have the right to make decisions with full knowledge of the facts. What you are doing to your wife is exponentially worse than anything a dishonest car dealer ever did to anybody. You obviously don't respect her, and therefore probably shouldn't be married to her.

And then to come on a forum and BRAG about all your clever ways to get away with it!

Grow up.

T.

Originally posted by Kari
Oh nonono, porn is different. I'm talking about strip clubs when I say "viewing other women"--irl in otherwards. Q loves his porn, and I had an issue with it at first (because it was a first for me) but I learned that well, its just a way of "releasing".

It still makes me a bit uncomfortable knowing that he's seen many naked women, and no doubt has probably fantasized being with them.. and then he looks at me, and what? I'm pretty average compared to those women, so I know I'm not much of a comparison.. I know I know, he loves me he doesn't compare etc. etc.. but its what I have to deal with in being a woman who's expected to be perfect in everyway and keep her mouth shut.. :(

Mind: I do think it was unfair for your wife to get mad at you when you clearly didn't want the lap dance and she gave it to you anyway. But also, I'm sure she didn't stick a gun to your head to force one on you, so you still could have stuck your foot down, but you obviously weren't so strong.

Your stance on this issue now makes much more sense to me...thanks for the clarification.

Originally posted by XeRo
Now noticing another pretty woman is fine and all...there isn't anything wrong with that...now when you want to watch her undress and have her do things that YOU pay for, that's beyond the vows that you PROMISED your wife you would hold true too..

Not if she's cool with it. :p

Originally posted by Truss
This is just pathetic. It's not about having a happy marriage, it's about respecting the person you're to whom you're married. Your wife has a right to know about this. By not telling her, you are taking away her choice regarding whether to stay with you. This is something akin to fraud, and you ought to be ashamed.

There are people on here who freak out about whether a stupid car dealer, without telling them, changed out a trunk lid on their RX-8 before they bought it. Why? Because they believe they should have the right to make decisions with full knowledge of the facts. What you are doing to your wife is exponentially worse than anything a dishonest car dealer ever did to anybody. You obviously don't respect her, and therefore probably shouldn't be married to her.

And then to come on a forum and BRAG about all your clever ways to get away with it!

Grow up.

T.

AMEN

well Kobe had sex with another girl....a very ugly girl compared to his wife..and they're still together.. everything'll be fine

Originally posted by WatchYoSix
well Kobe had sex with another girl....a very ugly girl compared to his wife..and they're still together.. everything'll be fine

He also gave his wife a multi-million dollar ring for her pain and suffering...

Originally posted by WatchYoSix
well Kobe had sex with another girl....a very ugly girl compared to his wife..and they're still together.. everything'll be fine

kobe told his wife some kind of story...maybe even the truth...and i garuntee she doesn't trust him anymore, or she is ok with him sleeping around...maybe he gives her a huge shopping allowance...who knows...comparing the two are like comparing Monkey Poo to ice cream...would you eat the monkey poo???

Originally posted by Kari
Oh nonono, porn is different. I'm talking about strip clubs when I say "viewing other women"--irl in otherwards. Q loves his porn, and I had an issue with it at first (because it was a first for me) but I learned that well, its just a way of "releasing".

It still makes me a bit uncomfortable knowing that he's seen many naked women, and no doubt has probably fantasized being with them.. and then he looks at me, and what? I'm pretty average compared to those women, so I know I'm not much of a comparison.. I know I know, he loves me he doesn't compare etc. etc.. but its what I have to deal with in being a woman who's expected to be perfect in everyway and keep her mouth shut.. :(

Mind: I do think it was unfair for your wife to get mad at you when you clearly didn't want the lap dance and she gave it to you anyway. But also, I'm sure she didn't stick a gun to your head to force one on you, so you still could have stuck your foot down, but you obviously weren't so strong.

I guess what needs to be understood here, is that you cannot connect the lust that a man has for women and the love he has for his wife/girlfriend/whatever. They are two separate things. I love my wife more than you probably think. I would give my life for her. Seriously.

What do you think a man does when he "releases" to porn? He's looking at another woman...and thinking to himself, "Oh my god I wish I had her" (as he eventually ejaculates). I guess you could call that cheating too. But since it stays in his mind, does it not count? Is that more or less cheating than going to a strip club, getting a few lap dances, and coming home and "releasing" himself with his wife, and not into a napkin?

If "Victoria's Secret Model" is your standard.. than that's what you should have married..

Not that she might even look remotely close to that, or that you even look like you'd deserve to be with a chick that looked like that.. I'm saying the woman you married should looke like a Victoria's Secret model to YOU..

No I'm not married, because I'm still looking for MY model..

And, yes, Im a dude, and I HAVE been in love.. When I'm in love i could sit there and stare at her in her sleep and be happy. Nomatter what other people thought of her. Even if she was drooling or farting in her sleep I still thought she was the most beautiful woman.. and the only reason we didnt get married is the HER lying and cheating.


As for lust, i've done things you'd probably only dreamed of..
Originally posted by mindsink
Ok, not all of us get to marry Victoria's Secret models.

Originally posted by guy321

And, yes, Im a dude, and I HAVE been in love.. When I'm in love i could sit there and stare at her in her sleep and be happy. Nomatter what other people thought of her. Even if she was drooling or farting in her sleep I still thought she was the most beautiful woman..

I will marry mine, unless something goes horribly wrong...but i know exactly what you mean.

Originally posted by Truss
This is just pathetic. It's not about having a happy marriage, it's about respecting the person to whom you're married. Your wife has a right to know about this. By not telling her, you are taking away her choice regarding whether to stay with you. This is something akin to fraud, and you ought to be ashamed.

There are people on here who freak out about whether a stupid car dealer, without telling them, changed out a trunk lid on their RX-8 before they bought it. Why? Because they believe they should have the right to make decisions with full knowledge of the facts. What you are doing to your wife is exponentially worse than anything a dishonest car dealer ever did to anybody. You obviously don't respect her, and therefore probably shouldn't be married to her.

And then to come on a forum and BRAG about all your clever ways to get away with it!

Grow up.

T.

As much as she has the right to know, I have the right not to tell her, and it's in the best interest of both. Akin to fraud? I think you're going overboard.

I'm not bragging. I originally posted looking for ideas from those who went through similar situations. Thankfully, I did get some sound advice.

Originally posted by mindsink
As much as she has the right to know, I have the right not to tell her, and it's in the best interest of both. Akin to fraud? I think you're going overboard.

I'm not bragging. I originally posted looking for ideas from those who went through similar situations. Thankfully, I did get some sound advice.

How can you not consider it Fraud...?

From Webster :

Main Entry: fraud
Pronunciation: 'frod
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English fraude, from Middle French, from Latin fraud-, fraus
1 a : DECEIT, TRICKERY; specifically : intentional perversion of truth in order to induce another to part with something of value or to surrender a legal right b : an act of deceiving or misrepresenting : TRICK
2 a : a person who is not what he or she pretends to be : IMPOSTOR; also : one who defrauds : CHEAT b : one that is not what it seems or is represented to be
synonym see DECEPTION, IMPOSTURE


Sound like what you are doing to me man...

Edit : Removed Extra Websters Crap.

Originally posted by Kari
Oh nonono, porn is different. I'm talking about strip clubs when I say "viewing other women"--irl in otherwards. Q loves his porn, and I had an issue with it at first (because it was a first for me) but I learned that well, its just a way of "releasing".

Just to set the record straight. You are every bit as beautiful as the porn stars. In fact many of them aren't really that attractive. And I have no doubt that Q and you are in love. From experience I can say that you have nothing to worry about from Q. Remember that what you have is natural beauty and you didn't have to pay $75k to look beautiful. Many of those women did and they still need a make-up artist to fix their faces and the zits on their asses... :( .

Originally posted by guy321
If "Victoria's Secret Model" is your standard.. than that's what you should have married..

Not that she might even look remotely close to that, or that you even look like you'd deserve to be with a chick that looked like that.. I'm saying the woman you married should looke like a Victoria's Secret model to YOU..

No I'm not married, because I'm still looking for MY model..

And, yes, Im a dude, and I HAVE been in love.. When I'm in love i could sit there and stare at her in her sleep and be happy. Nomatter what other people thought of her. Even if she was drooling or farting in her sleep I still thought she was the most beautiful woman.. and the only reason we didnt get married is the HER lying and cheating.


As for lust, i've done things you'd probably only dreamed of..

#1. I never said it was my standard. I'm saying that you don't marry someone because of their looks. Yes, they have to be physically attractive to you, but it's far from the most important criteria.

#2. Anyone who has to brag about "things others dream of" obviously has never done so...especially when the person you're telling it to never boasted about it in the first place.

Originally posted by mindsink
What do you think a man does when he "releases" to porn? He's looking at another woman...and thinking to himself, "Oh my god I wish I had her" (as he eventually ejaculates).

Actually, I think of my wife. I always think about my wife. :)

I wasn't braggin. I was responding to your statement on how all men lust.

Furthermore, you are the one that said We all Couldn't marry a Victoria's secret model. In the context which you wrote that, you implied that you married your wife despite her looks. Therebye saying, if you could get a better looking woman, you would have.

I read what you wrote.

Originally posted by mindsink
#1. I never said it was my standard. I'm saying that you don't marry someone because of their looks. Yes, they have to be physically attractive to you, but it's far from the most important criteria.

#2. Anyone who has to brag about "things others dream of" obviously has never done so...especially when the person you're telling it to never boasted about it in the first place.

Originally posted by liqiud
How can you not consider it Fraud...?

From Webster :

Main Entry: fraud
Pronunciation: 'frod
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English fraude, from Middle French, from Latin fraud-, fraus
1 a : DECEIT, TRICKERY; specifically : intentional perversion of truth in order to induce another to part with something of value or to surrender a legal right b : an act of deceiving or misrepresenting : TRICK
2 a : a person who is not what he or she pretends to be : IMPOSTOR; also : one who defrauds : CHEAT b : one that is not what it seems or is represented to be
synonym see DECEPTION, IMPOSTURE


Sound like what you are doing to me man...

Edit : Removed Extra Websters Crap.

You got me there. I stand corrected. :o

Originally posted by 93rdcurrent
Just to set the record straight. You are every bit as beautiful as the porn stars. In fact many of them aren't really that attractive. And I have no doubt that Q and you are in love. From experience I can say that you have nothing to worry about from Q. Remember that what you have is natural beauty and you didn't have to pay $75k to look beautiful. Many of those women did and they still need a make-up artist to fix their faces and the zits on their asses... :( .


LOL 93rd.. I luv ya, you make me feel better by saying zits on a$$es. Thankyou! :D :D

Originally posted by 93rdcurrent
Just to set the record straight. You are every bit as beautiful as the porn stars. In fact many of them aren't really that attractive. And I have no doubt that Q and you are in love. From experience I can say that you have nothing to worry about from Q. Remember that what you have is natural beauty and you didn't have to pay $75k to look beautiful. Many of those women did and they still need a make-up artist to fix their faces and the zits on their asses... :( .

I agree. However, show me a beautiful girl, and I'll show you a man who's tired of F-ing her.

Many many people think my wife is gorgeous, but the grass is always greener on the other side.

Originally posted by MadRonin
Actually, I think of my wife. I always think about my wife. :)


AWWW! You're sweet. Be sure you tell her that. :D

Originally posted by Truss
This is just pathetic. It's not about having a happy marriage, it's about respecting the person to whom you're married. Your wife has a right to know about this. By not telling her, you are taking away her choice regarding whether to stay with you. This is something akin to fraud, and you ought to be ashamed.

There are people on here who freak out about whether a stupid car dealer, without telling them, changed out a trunk lid on their RX-8 before they bought it. Why? Because they believe they should have the right to make decisions with full knowledge of the facts. What you are doing to your wife is exponentially worse than anything a dishonest car dealer ever did to anybody. You obviously don't respect her, and therefore probably shouldn't be married to her.

And then to come on a forum and BRAG about all your clever ways to get away with it!

Grow up.

T.

I've gotta agree. And the happy marriage thing? Sorry, don't believe it. If you're so happy, you wouldn't need to lie to her about this. And the animal instinct bit is faulty too. The difference between humans and animals is that humans CAN control their instincts. If you have that much problem with sexual attraction to others, perhaps you need some kind of therapy for sex addiction.

I don't care one way or the other if my husband goes to a strip club (specially if he lets me come), and I don't care if he's got a huge porn collection, but I DO care VERY much if he lies to me. If you can lie about something stupid like this, it's not going to be hard to lie the first time you sleep with someone else, either. You've already admitted that she doesn't trust you, so now you're just going to make it worse.

And like Truss says, this coming onto a forum to brag about it is really sad.

Originally posted by Elara


And like Truss says, this coming onto a forum to brag about it is really sad.

OK...so far be it from me to defend him...but he didn't come here to brag, he was looking for advice...where the thread has gone from then...well no one can really control a thread...

He came onto a car forum, and his VERY FIRST post was this thread..

THere was probably a more appropriate place to ask this question.

wow, that sums it up for me right there...when sex gets boring, a lot of other problems arise in the relationship...the girl could be drop dead gorgeous but perhaps her character just isn't appealing to you anymore or there's no emotional stimulation to keep you attracted to her...

i've dates some girls that were so damn fine but lost interest in having sex with them because i found them boring to be with...then i've also dated some girls that weren't really that beautiful in my eyes but the way they move or the things they say really turn me on..

in the end i think the person i do end up marrying is the type of girl that i won't have to go to strip clubs in order to get my fix of fantasy and lust...i'll have it all at home

Originally posted by liqiud
OK...so far be it from me to defend him...but he didn't come here to brag, he was looking for advice...where the thread has gone from then...well no one can really control a thread...

He doesn't need our advice to help him lie to her. This is bragging in the worst way.

maybe...i guess i always try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt...maybe a mistake in this thread...

BTW this thread is killing my productivity at work...oh well.

Originally posted by guy321
He came onto a car forum, and his VERY FIRST post was this thread..

THere was probably a more appropriate place to ask this question.

LOL! I know, it looks ridiculous right? Well I've been lurking here for quite some time cause I'm really considering getting an RX8. And I don't participate on any other forums, so I said why not.

Elara, he got the info he needed, can you just close the thread now?

well... Bill Clinton cheated on Hilary with Monica and a cigar....all he got was a badly bruised eye..

Originally posted by BRx8
in the end i think the person i do end up marrying is the type of girl that i won't have to go to strip clubs in order to get my fix of fantasy and lust...i'll have it all at home


Yaay~ B just joined the 'Kari luvs ya' club too. :D

Originally posted by Elara
He doesn't need our advice to help him lie to her. This is bragging in the worst way.

My god, PEOPLE....I was looking for advice from those who have experience with credit card charges and such. That is ALL!!!

Originally posted by liqiud
maybe...i guess i always try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt...maybe a mistake in this thread...

BTW this thread is killing my productivity at work...oh well.


lol join the club. :D

How Do I get membership?!

Originally posted by Kari
Yaay~ B just joined the 'Kari luvs ya' club too. :D

Originally posted by guy321
How Do I get membership?!

I think I'm the sole member of the "Kari hates ya" club.

Originally posted by WatchYoSix
well Kobe had sex with another girl....a very ugly girl compared to his wife..and they're still together.. everything'll be fine

i never understand shit like that...Vanessa (whom i named my car after) is one of the most beautful ppl i've ever seen...to cheat on her with anyone less than her just befuddles the mind....kind of like Huge Grant sleeping with that prostitute when he had Elizabeth Hurley...wtf?!? that's Elizabeth F'ing Hurley!

Originally posted by Kari
Yaay~ B just joined the 'Kari luvs ya' club too. :D

huh? what is this so called club i've been inadvertantly grouped into? must be spyware...

yup, it's a virus alright...TROJ_KARI.B

Originally posted by mindsink
I think I'm the sole member of the "Kari hates ya" club.


I don't hate you at all silly! I hate NO ONE. :) Sorry, I just get mad sometimes about this sort of thing because it hits close to home and I imagine myself being the wife in this case. Its your relationship and your life, but I'm just trying to show you, since you said I'm a lot like your wife, her side.. :(

Originally posted by BRx8
huh? what is this so called club i've been inadvertantly grouped into? must be spyware...

yup, it's a virus alright...TROJ_KARI.B


Ok, you've just been banned from that club indefinitely. >.<

Originally posted by Kari
I don't hate you at all silly! I hate NO ONE. :) Sorry, I just get mad sometimes about this sort of thing because it hits close to home and I imagine myself being the wife in this case. Its your relationship and your life, but I'm just trying to show you, since you said I'm a lot like your wife, her side.. :(

Well, this has been my first moment of weakness after our marriage. I guess to most people, I didn't handle it well. Maybe next time I'll be stronger. A lot of the statements I've made and arguments I've used were basically to justify my decision to hide this from her. I hate confrontations, especially with my wife, and to me it's worth the risk of a bigger confrontation in the future if there's a good chance I can avoid this immediate one. I believe there is a good chance.

If the people who hypothesize that your $400 probably included a "happy ending" are correct, you also owe it to your wife to make sure you're disease-free after your little frolick. The possibility that you might have contracted something is just one more reason to tell her the truth.

T.

It all boils down to this:

Would you deliberately do something that you know would cause pain to someone you love if they found out about it?

If the answer is "yes", you're a self-centered person who will always prioritize your own needs and desires above anyone else's. There is no justification for saying, "What she doesn't know won't hurt her". YOU know, and by keeping it from her you're doing irrevocable damage to the trust she has in you.

If the answer is "no", you probably understand what love is really about. When you truly love someone, their happiness is every bit as important to you as your own; if you have to sacrifice a bit of your own happiness for them, you unhesitatingly do so -- because you WANT to.

Kari and Elara are both giving you valuable insight into the feminine mindset, Mindsink. Think about the long-term repercussions of this betrayal of trust before you head further on down that road.

Originally posted by Aratinga
It all boils down to this:

Would you deliberately do something that you know would cause pain to someone you love if they found out about it?

If the answer is "yes", you're a self-centered person who will always prioritize your own needs and desires above anyone else's. There is no justification for saying, "What she doesn't know won't hurt her". YOU know, and by keeping it from her you're doing irrevocable damage to the trust she has in you.

If the answer is "no", you probably understand what love is really about. When you truly love someone, their happiness is every bit as important to you as your own; if you have to sacrifice a bit of your own happiness for them, you unhesitatingly do so -- because you WANT to.

Kari and Elara are both giving you valuable insight into the feminine mindset, Mindsink. Think about the long-term repercussions of this betrayal of trust before you head further on down that road.

I really respect your opinion. I really do. However, I just cannot see myself telling her this. Trust me, heads will roll. Whether she finds out on her own or I tell her, the result will be the same, I can assure you. So then, why would I take the bullet here when there's a chance (a very very good chance) that she'll never know? There is no damage to the trust she has in me because she'll never know. If I tell her, then you can bet there will be damage to the trust.

Originally posted by Truss
If the people who hypothesize that your $400 probably included a "happy ending" are correct, you also owe it to your wife to make sure you're disease-free after your little frolick. The possibility that you might have contracted something is just one more reason to tell her the truth.

T.

There was no happy ending. It wasn't that kind of establishment. The $400 wasn't in one shot. It was for cover, drinks, lap dances, VIP room, etc.

Purely hypothetical food for thought:

How do you think Mrs. Mindsink would feel if she read this entire thread, but had no idea that the thread starter was her hubby?

pondering...to close this thread and not tell anyone I did or not? Hmmmm, if they don't know it won't hurt them.

As far as the masturbation thing goes.....I think it works both ways......If I'm gone for a few days and come back and my g/f says "ya know, yesterday morning I woke up and you weren't in bed with me and I was thinking of you me so I had to 'pleasure' my self" I mean come on first....

How hot do YOU get when a girl tells you something like that......I know the first thought that runs through MY head :D

So girls too have there own way of self gratification....Lets ALL not forget that......

Anyway...in the grand scheme of things...what you did at a strip club is in no way in the same ballpark as lying and being deceitful about what you did.

Tell her the truth....and if you both truly love each other, you should be able to make you relation ship stronger from it :) ...... good luck in what ever you do.....but remember this.....the only thing and man truly has in his life is his WORD.

It sounds like you're pretty closed to being honest about this but I hope I can reach you in some small way. If going to a strip club is simply not a big deal and takes nothing away from your love and your feelings for her, then tell her so. Tell her you love her and you need to be honest with her our about what you want and what you need. It's something you want to do on occasion in your life and it's just not a friggin big deal. Tell her honestly, tell her you need to be with someone who doesn't destroy you, devalue herself, or wreck your relationship over it. Atleast you recognize what you want and need and that's cool. Let her choose whether or not she wants to leave a happy marriage over an occasional strip club visit.

Let her choose.

Originally posted by poolsidenaz
It sounds like you're pretty closed to being honest about this but I hope I can reach you in some small way. If going to a strip club is simply not a big deal and takes nothing away from your love and your feelings for her, then tell her so. Tell her you love her and you need to be honest with her our about what you want and what you need. It's something you want to do on occasion in your life and it's just not a friggin big deal. Tell her honestly, tell her you need to be with someone who doesn't destroy you, devalue herself, or wreck your relationship over it. Atleast you recognize what you want and need and that's cool. Let her choose whether or not she wants to leave a happy marriage over an occasional strip club visit.

Let her choose.

I agree with everything but "let her choose." How about you guys work on this issue together, as a couple. Ultimatums NEVER work, and are hardly fair in a marriage, which should ultimately be about partnership, friendship, and trust.

chain letter alert:

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS


Smart man + smart woman = romance


Smart man + dumb woman = affair


Dumb man + smart woman = marriage


Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy





OFFICE ARITHMETIC


Smart boss + smart employee = profit


Smart boss + dumb employee = production


Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion


Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime





SHOPPING MATH


A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.


A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.





GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.


A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.


A successful woman is one who can find such a man.





HAPPINESS


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.


To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.





LONGEVITY


Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.





PROPENSITY TO CHANGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.


A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.





DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE


A woman has the last word in any argument.


Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.





HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED


Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs
and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started
doing the same thing to them at funerals.





SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS
YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.

Elara - Let her choose was in no way intended to be an ultimatum. She deserves the truth about her partner, good or bad or indifferent. So does he - it works both ways here. With this pariticular matter she needs to work out what is important, what is critical, and what is not. That's her power of choice and she deserves that.

Is she willing to foster an environment where he doesn't fear his relation over his truth? Does she want the man she loves in all his honesty, or will she settle for less than his whole? Whether we agree with his choices or not, he knows what he wants. Whether we agree with what she will choose or not, she has every right to make an educated decision for herself,

Originally posted by poolsidenaz
Elara - Let her choose was in no way intended to be an ultimatum. She deserves the truth about her partner, good or bad or indifferent. So does he - it works both ways here. With this pariticular matter she needs to work out what is important, what is critical, and what is not. That's her power of choice and she deserves that.

Is she willing to foster an environment where he doesn't fear his relation over his truth? Does she want the man she loves in all his honesty, or will she settle for less than his whole? Whether we agree with his choices or not, he knows what he wants. Whether we agree with what she will choose or not, she has every right to make an educated decision for herself,

And while I agree, the burden also falls on him- they need to compromise. he needs to decide what is critical as well. Is his marriage so unimportant to him that he's willing to let strip-club visits get in the way of his wife's feelings? Is she so insecure that she's willing to leave over her husband visiting a strip club and getting lap dances? There's got to be some way they can reach some kind of accord here.

They can't compromise if he's hiding things from her. I agree that they both need to choose; seems to me like he already has? I don't believe for a minute that she'll leave her hubby for an occasional lap dance. But then again maybe she will? I can't imagine, but then again I can't say. But until she knows that he would like to go now and again, and *will* do so occasionally in the future, no progress gets made on either side.

I'm glad you brought up 'ultimatum' because when I was typing it out I never intended to come across that way. Now I've gotta run to the store and get a damned potato for this recipe, which I failed to get the first time I stopped at the store today on my way home :D I'll be checking back here as soon as I get back tho!

Edited for a typo

Aratinga - Will you marry me? Wow, what a woman!

What I see here are two things going on.

One is the criticism of what he is doing, and that is hiding the truth from his wife. This has nothing to do with the second theme I see going here.

This second theme that I see is the criticism of his actions, that of which are going to the strip bar. I see nothing wrong with him going to the strip bar except that his wife doesn't approve of him doing so. This is not the real arguement, this is the action that got him into the pickle to begin with. I have not argued that this was inappropriate to do so but merely argue that it is inappropriate to lie about doing. That is the basis of the matter.

For you to go to the strip club, that is a decision you consciencously made knowing that your wife disaproves. You are now making another decision to which your wife would disaprove of.

Yea, though I am married twice, have had a time in life between wives, I have never gone to a Strip club and we have a local Deja Vu right here in town. Reason is? I'm not a prude, I'm not pure, I just wouldn't go in one because I would find it frustrating, sort of like looking, seeing, smelling but yet not touching or tasting. I would be lying if I said I would not come out sexually frustrated.

Would my wife approve? We have briefly talked about this and she has some mixed feeligs about it which is understandably so. Would I go behind her back? No. Would I lie about something as such because I did go behind her back and messed up? No. She would be pissed when I told her the truth but she and I would work it out because that is what a marriage is about, it's a two way street and it's give and take, it isn't right to take take take, that is too one sided. So, all in all, you did the crime, you oughta do the time, if you get caught in the end.

Since he got his answers, and now this is pointless bickering..

WHY DONT YALL CLOSE THIS FUCKING THREAD NOW!

NO!... It must go on... FOREVER!!!
JK. Someone shut it down.

i think it should go on so i get get more words of wisdom for people like d menac 7. I think i just grew up a little reading your last post wow. And getting the womens view points from Kari and Elara has helped me too. I used to be of the mind set if i screw up it is my cross to carry and no others. Never thought if the other person should have the right to know. I always thought i should do what ever makes them happy. But in the end you can not always make some on happy all the time, but you can always be honest and loyal to them. So even if the story has more bs then a rodeo it was well worth it for the discussion.

i always tell my wife the truth .but if i spent $400.00 i would wait till the statemnt comes in and get it before she does.dude your in deep sh/t.

Since we're talking about relationships, I highly recommend this site:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

He has a very interesting method to dealing with relationships and conflict resolution. While he sells books a lot of his info is free on the website.

The best quote that I ever heard was............

"Doesn't matter how good she looks, someone, somewhere is tired of putting up with her shit"

happy ending?