Sea Ray
04-01-2004, 11:16 AM
WOULD IT NOT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV TONIGHT AND SEE G.W. BUSH GIVE THE
FOLLOWING SPEECH.....
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. Since
congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in
Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of
all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30
days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning. Before me, I have two lists. One
list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the
Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria,
Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's
nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of
both lists later this evening. Let me start by saying that effective
immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and
indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much
pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need
help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. In the future,
together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving
the vexing social problems we still have at home.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will
hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the
earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal
now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia
for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mon amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets
to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I
don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow
or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of
the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to
be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing
us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire
corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra
tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em?
Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the
way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying darn tootin'.
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world
has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from
America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
--
FOLLOWING SPEECH.....
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. Since
congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in
Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of
all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30
days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning. Before me, I have two lists. One
list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the
Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria,
Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's
nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of
both lists later this evening. Let me start by saying that effective
immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and
indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much
pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need
help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. In the future,
together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving
the vexing social problems we still have at home.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will
hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the
earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal
now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia
for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mon amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets
to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I
don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow
or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of
the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to
be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing
us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire
corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra
tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em?
Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the
way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying darn tootin'.
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world
has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from
America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
--