BRx8
01-08-2004, 12:17 PM
Never thought about it that way....
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
”I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and
drink whatever comes out?”
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken
there... I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes
outta it’s ass.”
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being
would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio
out of a freaking coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the
time, but don’t point to their ass when they ask where
the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get
undressed considering what happens next?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme
crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come
from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little
Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on . . . . ... . . . .
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it
arrive faster?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the
hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your ass?
i'm only getting started...
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, Musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final exam.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
are the others here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
door went nuts.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a
peeing section in a swimming pool?
OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and
the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... Does that mean that
one enjoys it?
There are three religious truths:
*Jews do not Recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
*Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith.
*Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at
Hooters.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
”I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and
drink whatever comes out?”
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken
there... I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes
outta it’s ass.”
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being
would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio
out of a freaking coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the
time, but don’t point to their ass when they ask where
the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get
undressed considering what happens next?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme
crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come
from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little
Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on . . . . ... . . . .
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it
arrive faster?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the
hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your ass?
i'm only getting started...
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, Musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final exam.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
are the others here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
door went nuts.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a
peeing section in a swimming pool?
OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and
the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... Does that mean that
one enjoys it?
There are three religious truths:
*Jews do not Recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
*Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith.
*Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at
Hooters.